8.30am

Right now I’m scoffing toast and about to head out the door. Life lately has involved sleeping, eating and uni, a little bit of design work and lots of reading and spending time in the studio at uni or the computer lab or the library lol. I think I might need a bed there. Then I can have naps inbetween classes so I can come home and do all the things I need to do without sleeping. I have had to pull back on quite a few things of late and the one that irks me the most is blog reading, I’m lucky if I get one decent session of catch ups a week atm and it sucks

I’m also contemplating pulling back from HNT’s too. Let’s be honest it’s a huge link fest and I don’t have time to go commenting on thirty plus blogs every week, I just can’t.  I’m not out to get numbers I don’t give a shit about that, I figure if what I write is worth reading then people will read it no matter what I do. If it’s nekkid pictures well shit, they can get those anywhere on the interwebz. If I post images it’s because it’s going to be relevant from now on to what I am writing about, if I wanna share a bit of me then I’ll do it when I want to. So yeah that’s what is happening.

So uni, I’m slightly freaking out because we have a group seminar (a group of four of us) and one is a Japanese student bless her heart she is lovely, BUT she is very shy and her english is not so great. I found out that the only degree that isn’t literacy tested in the whole freekin uni is the one I am doing … I have no idea why the fuck they don’t because half of the damn degree is writing and speaking.  We had a meeting yesterday as we each have to talk for ten minutes on the topic we were given “The History of Photography up to the 1930’s”  … the meeting was to decide who was doing what (we’d all decided last week) and we have two meetings a week, we are going to be one of the last teams to speak which means we have to up our game. She didn’t turn up. So we’ve decided for her what part shes doing and tough biscuits if she doesn’t like it.

~Intermission … ride arrived~

11.30pm

Yup loooong day. Buggered off to sort some graphics work then headed off to uni. Then home around five to pick up the little one from after school care, home for dinner then homework and hang out time with the wee guy and the bedtime routine and then stuck into ‘homework’…..

I seriously never thought that I’d be using the term ‘doing my homework’ after I left school the first time haha.I also realised that after spending a whole day in a creative headzone that by the time I got home trying to string a coherent sentence wasn’t going to happen until I had sat down and had a coffee and just ’stopped’ for a minute. I was being talked to at the time and my brain went into total ‘fart’ mode. I had the blank stare going on then buggered off up to my room to just have 5 minutes of ‘nothingness’. Fuck it was good.

Oh and the chicka who didn’t turn up for the ‘group meeting yesterday’ … she caught up with a couple of us today and asked for notes and research on her part … I stood there with a ‘WTF’ look and promptly told her that was her part of the seminar so all the research she needs will be in the library. What the hell? Since when have grown adults doing a degree suppossed to be doing someone else’s work for them…?!?!?!  I think not. She can pull her head out of her ass and ‘work’ like the rest of us.

Have had an awesome day and am starting to realise I am doing really well. I even stumped my tutor today doing some critique work on an upcoming assignment that is due and he had nothing to say, he loved what I had done. I also had some awesome feedback from other students re a logo design I’ve done so it kinda made me feel good and that I wasn’t some old fart doing a uni degree with no talent lol. It’s kinda daunting when you are up against 130 other arty people, especially people who are all a good 10 years younger than you. The little voice in the back of my head always has a little self doubt. Part of the reason for me going to uni and doing this is to gain a little self confidence in my abilities as a designer. I need it, I’ve been holed up for far too long in my little studio space doing my own thing. Getting out and about and bouncing around with other like minded art obsessed people is doing wonders for my creativity. I’ve just finished doing a whole pile of drawing and I’ve had my head in a creative mode all day so trying to unwind atm and chill.

*sneezes* … that was weird.

Right now it’s getting closer to midnight I’m having an urge for a cup of tea and I still need to take my shoes off.

Yup that immersed in what I was doing I have just realised I still have my sneakers on. Doh.

Snowed under with assignments due this week and work so I’ll leave you with something I am listening to right now.
And she’s a Kiwi and fucking awesome!

What do you fantasize about when fucking?

I don’t. While I’m ‘there’ in the heat of lust I’m not thinking about someone else or doing something else I’m focused on my body, their body. Scent is a huge turn on, the raw man smell, skin, sweat. I’m immersed in the sensations of fucking. A sensation slut in the purest of form. I’m listening to their moans, their voice, my own noises. The electricity, the heat. I don’t want to take myself away from the moment thinking about another person or somewhere else, for me it would take away from the experience. I want to ‘feel’.

Do I fantasize? Yes. This is where my muse sleeps until I rouse him.

Randomly, during the day, on the train, at home, anywhere. It appears in the back of my mind and forms a scene and my mind will run wild. Normally creating a heat deep below. An urgency that needs sating. I won’t always succumb to it, instead relishing the sensations that coarse through my body, that exquisite sense of need and I deny it. Words always turn me on. I love it when my muse appears and words carry me off into the unknown and my fingers flow. Slow, languid pleasure, drowning in sensation is what turns me on. Pain, tormenting my mind, teasing me. I enjoy the ride. Even more when it’s not me in control. I fantasize about being taken roughly, the urgency when my body is pressed against another and teeth graze my skin. Tearing off clothes, pushing me against a wall and doing what you please. And even if I fight you off, taking whats yours. I fantasize about being bound, unable to move, unable to do anything but be an available whore for your taking. Whispers in my ear in that husky yet calm voice. I fantasize about my sadist, my muse that comes to me at odd hours and beckons me down into the dark. That’s what gets me off. My muse and I are one, the need for him is an addiction. He helps me sleep at night and when the nightscapes come he is there waiting to take my hand and wander into the dark, to grant my wishes. When he demands my attention I write.

With him I am not lonely. With him I find peace. He keeps me company as long as I need him.