Because I am a norty shit and never do what I’m told I’m going to do four of these tonoght. I went on a painting binge today and have been doing web design and teaching voluntary children’s art classes over the last couple of weeks and finding the time to write has been … well. I also need to be in the mood to write which has been non existant for a while.

Anyhoo, the first four….

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Hate is such a strong word. It’s an eeeww word. But I do hate pumpkin. Semantics I suppose. I have body issues that I am self conscious about, mainly my mummy tummy. It’s a pouch of skin and it makes me feel ugly. On the flip side I know it’s a part of my path and it’s my warrior scars from motherhood. Some days I do hate it and other days I see myself differently and I’m okay. I also know I sometimes invest in things emotionally and this has negative effects on me and it’s exhausting. I am learning to make better choices. And learning to say no and feel okay about it.

Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
My stubborn streak and my intuition. Both have been positive in achieving goals and not giving up when things have got bloody hard. I’ve learnt I have much more strength than I realised.

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I had an abortion many moons ago and it ate me up inside for years. I have made peace with myself and now looking back I know it was the right choice for me at the time. The support I had was much appreciated and taught me some valuable life lessons. I have no regrets now but it was something I had to work through. I don’t talk about it often as I am tired of judgemental preaching tunts who don’t ask questions but make a fuckton of assumptions. When they do take the time to listen and ask I explain my situation and they understand. Compassion is a good thing for yourself and others.

Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I grew up in a household which I refer to as a Cinderella house. I was emotionally & physically (not sexually) abused for a number of years by my stepfather. It took me until into my late twenties to come to terms with it all and I have now forgiven my stepfather but the relationship is non existant now. We have spoken and I have told him what it did to me, there were alot of tears on both sides but it’s been resolved. He has an illness and he chooses not to confront it head on and ultimately it is his choice but I do not have to choose to live that way anymore. We do speak but it’s not on a level of parent/daughter.

I could write so much more on all of these things but I try and look forward rather than backwards. I’m in a good space in my life and making healthy choices and moving forward.

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion- Or what do you think of politics-
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do-
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life- If so, when and why-
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now-
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do-
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Feel free to steal it for yourself and let me know if you do. I’m not promising I’ll do this every single day as I’ll be travelling in a couple weeks and I have a few things on but these will get me writing.

Actually so is everyone else. I have been mentioned in a couple places so I’ll just bloody do it hokay? And thanks

1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to 15 blogs you enjoy reading.

1. Here’s a doozy. It’s been three years since I have fucked anyone. I don’t and won’t do casual sex anymore. I can’t. Ironic really considering I write a sex blog. I loathe that term. It’s not why I write. I have intimacy issues and trust issues that have made it near impossible to allow anyone close to me for a long time now. But I’m okay with it. I figure someone special will get past my walls at some point and they’ll be worth it because they want to spend that time doing so.

2. I am two years into my university degree and I often have moments of self doubt that I am wasting my time with it and I should be working and not at school at this age. I also stress amount the amount of money I am in debt with because of this. But I am a fighter and I’m not giving up.

3. I’m still extremely angry at my ex. I’m angry at myself for having to start all over again. But i bounce and bounce back I will, I’m just tired of struggling.

4. I want another dog but circumstances prevent this from happening. I feel like I am missing a chunk of me not having a furry friend. I have had dogs since I was seven years old.

5. I am the most useless friend. I don’t keep in touch but am always there if you need me. I forget birthdays and I don’t buy presents. I am crap at doing the expected ‘friend’ thing, I’m socially awkward at the best of times but I do try. Sometimes I need a kick up the arse because I get very solitudal.

6. I draw or write something every day. Most of it stays in journals. Right now on my shelf I have about twenty moleskines and sketchbooks full of weird braindumps.

7. My son is what keeps me going most days. Before he came along I was on a bad track. If it wasn’t for him I doubt I’d be here.

That was deep and meaningful wasn’t it?

As for adding 15 people … fuck me >>>> look over there >>>> blog list … if you want to share go for it andlet me know so I can come and read.

Everybody deserves the right to choose who they love and not be judged for it. Nobody should have to validate to anyone who they love.

Dear Friend,

Right now, almost 80 countries around the world make it a crime to be gay, lesbian or transgender. In 10 of those nations, you can be sentenced to death or life behind bars. The majority of these nations share a connection – they are members of the Commonwealth – an organization bringing together 54 nations to collaborate on legal, cultural and economic development.

The Commonwealth leaders are gathering this week in Perth, Australia where Kamalesh Sharma, Secretary General of the Commonwealth, just gave a courageous speech calling on each of the Commonwealth nations to finally end discrimination and criminalization of LGBT people. It’s historic, but hardly a done deal: Forces within the Commonwealth are working double-time to silence Sharma and others, giving nations that send gays and lesbians to jail a free pass for yet another year.

We need to support Secretary General Sharma and show the other heads of state that a massive global outcry is bubbling up in their own countries and demanding fairness. The meeting kicks off this Friday – we need thousands from United States to join Commonwealth citizens around the world and sign on to our statement of support for Secretary General Sharma in the next 48 hours, making his call impossible to ignore.

Will you take a minute to add your name and share this letter far and wide?

www.allout.org/wearenotillegal