I miss this place. I miss having a vent and a rant and a write but most days I am so tired and brain drained nothing comes out. I have no regrets deciding to chase a degree, it’s something that has been on my radar since I was 18. I knew when I set out to do this that it was not going to be easy. I was going a little awol this week and getting very anti people, overwhelmed just tired and needing a break. I went out Friday night and stayed at a mates place and having no uni shit about me and no work and just having to vegetate and relax was damn good. But today is going to be spent head down and painting, writing and cramming loads of paperwork in today.

Little discussions with a close friend last night got me thinking about how past relationships have scarred me. It’s hardened me, I avoid any form of real intimacy and I am well aware I do so. It’s easy for people to say ‘let it go’ and I have but along with the heartaches came the scars. Knarled rigid ones that are well ingrained. I don’t trust well. I don’t open up. There’s a part of me that remains well hidden and locked away. That part got hurt far too many times to want to recall and it’s that aspect I don’t let down the walls with anyone very easily anymore. The wild wolf who mistrusts and fears being hurt. A fragile heart that will break into pieces beyond repair. So instead I do what I do because it sates a need, it keeps me sane. I have a close circle of friends, a very small one at that and they know more than most. But there’s always a part that stays locked away. It’s easier that way and I focus on other things that keep me fueled.

I am well aware I am not the only person that does this. We all carry scars.

The best part are those scars have shaped me and I emerged a hell of alot more stronger.

I am slightly pissed off atm as an old ex resurfaced the other day via a friend of mine. I’m happy for her. But I don’t want anything to do with the guy. My opinion hasn’t changed much. The fucker told her personal private sexual shit that yano at the end of the day I don’t really give a fuck about, I’d happily talk to someone about it if they asked but the fact was this guy was running around telling someone who is a mate about my bedroom antics. THAT is MY choice and it was a blatant disrespect and a total disregard for my personal privacy. I don’t talk about ex’s in that way, when we parted ways I moved on and didn’t speak about it again, what happens behind closed doors stays there.

That fuckhead better hope he never crosses my path. He also failed to tell her I had to kick him out of my house. Instead he fed her a lovely story about how it wasn’t a good time for either of us. The truth of the matter was it was not working, he had no job, he was mooching at my house, watching my every move, snooping in my emails, and after meeting him and I just wasn’t attracted to him.

Fuck I really get annoyed at people who spin bullshit.

You can choose to see the truth in things or you embellish. So if you are reading this …. you and I are going to have a few words if you ever grace my presence. Quit bullshitting. And by the way .. the pictures you have of me? Dude it’s been a good two years. Take them off your profile you fuckarse. That is just fucking SAD.

Move on. You fucked up.

We evolve.

I have no regrets.

‘smiles’

Fuck me sideways.

Eat. Sleep. Coffee. Uni. Moar coffee.

That’s pretty much it. I’ve been learning some fantastic stuff this semester and I look like a deer in headlights because i am inundated with assignments up to my eyeballs. Right now I have continual life drawings to do each week. Completed one illustration and on to my second one and a third after this one. Designing two advertising posters along with essays and research writing. Making a digital booklet and doing a crapload of layouts and drawing nekkid people.

Wednesdays equate to about an 11 hour day from the time I leave home to the time I get back home and then I eat and get stuck into more assignments and Thursdays are close to the same amount of time.

I haven’t even had time to wank. That SUX.

But apart from that I am loving having not enough time in the day to get everything I want done. It means I have no time to even fathom being bored.

It’s Friday night. I have a wine and I am about to get stuck into another assignment.

Make my life easy, so my brain doesn’t have to think .. ask me shit on here and give me something to write about haha or even better link me to some fucked up fun so I can entertain you.

Oh yeahs if you are into drawing people then you might like this site I was given to practice poses …. posemaniacs.com … most awesome.

What else has been happening in impyland?

Uuum I had someone invite me to a kink event on my vanilla profile recently .. not fucking impressed so they were removed from my friends list. I made it very clear that stuff wasn’t to go anywhere near there and they told me they were totally cool with that. Respect … get some. Grrrr. Umm I got growled by the train dude for having my ipod too loud ‘snikkers’  … I have it loud to drown out the stoopid nattering people near me heh. Oh and I found some funny as pics I am gonna share because yano .. I like to make you all giggle …. or gasp.

This one, well …. someone had fun making this lol …

Isn’t it funny what one comes across when researching for a design assignment for uni work hehe …

An amusing excerpt from a Christmas supplement published in the Evening Post in 1934 that included suggestions for indoor party games over the festive season.

What to do at indoor Christmas parties is becoming more and more of a problem. Here are some suggestions which may help to add diversion to the occasion: For instance, you can sell some of your guests. This game is called “The Slave Market.” You choose five or six players, attractive-looking girls if possible to be sold as slaves, and one good compere to act as auctioneer. You give, say, twenty counters to each of the other players, whose object is to buy as many slaves as possible. If two players manage to buy the same number of slaves, the one who has most counters left wins. Skill consists in “pushing” the bids of other players and lying low for bargains. This sounds easy in cold blood, but is not so easy when the players are subjected to the blandishments of a) Uncle William as auctioneer after a good dinner and b) the slaves. It would be a shame to let Jane’s saucy eyes go for a paltry two counters!