Because I love him and he’s mine.

And because it’s his first proper birthday party.

And because this took me HOURS I am gonna share it here.

The last few years have been all sorts of fucked upedness and this year he has been really hard on him emotionally

with a new school, his Dad coming back into his life and developing a a good little set of

friendships and done so well at his new school I’m proud and I want to make this year special.

He’s worked hard.

It’s the least I can do to make his day a good one.

He’s eight … ‘blinks’

Where the fuck did my time go????

An apology is required in six words or less…

But!

I quote!

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, 

and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.” P. G. Wodehouse

Heh, True that.

Inorite?

Signed
Yours sincerely

Brat

?

So I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache.

I wanted to share something today that is simply beautiful. Close your eyes and just listen. I’m craving my muse again.

THAT’S what makes a family.

Hear fucking hear. His mums should be proud of their boy.

Because I am a norty shit and never do what I’m told I’m going to do four of these tonoght. I went on a painting binge today and have been doing web design and teaching voluntary children’s art classes over the last couple of weeks and finding the time to write has been … well. I also need to be in the mood to write which has been non existant for a while.

Anyhoo, the first four….

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Hate is such a strong word. It’s an eeeww word. But I do hate pumpkin. Semantics I suppose. I have body issues that I am self conscious about, mainly my mummy tummy. It’s a pouch of skin and it makes me feel ugly. On the flip side I know it’s a part of my path and it’s my warrior scars from motherhood. Some days I do hate it and other days I see myself differently and I’m okay. I also know I sometimes invest in things emotionally and this has negative effects on me and it’s exhausting. I am learning to make better choices. And learning to say no and feel okay about it.

Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
My stubborn streak and my intuition. Both have been positive in achieving goals and not giving up when things have got bloody hard. I’ve learnt I have much more strength than I realised.

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I had an abortion many moons ago and it ate me up inside for years. I have made peace with myself and now looking back I know it was the right choice for me at the time. The support I had was much appreciated and taught me some valuable life lessons. I have no regrets now but it was something I had to work through. I don’t talk about it often as I am tired of judgemental preaching tunts who don’t ask questions but make a fuckton of assumptions. When they do take the time to listen and ask I explain my situation and they understand. Compassion is a good thing for yourself and others.

Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I grew up in a household which I refer to as a Cinderella house. I was emotionally & physically (not sexually) abused for a number of years by my stepfather. It took me until into my late twenties to come to terms with it all and I have now forgiven my stepfather but the relationship is non existant now. We have spoken and I have told him what it did to me, there were alot of tears on both sides but it’s been resolved. He has an illness and he chooses not to confront it head on and ultimately it is his choice but I do not have to choose to live that way anymore. We do speak but it’s not on a level of parent/daughter.

I could write so much more on all of these things but I try and look forward rather than backwards. I’m in a good space in my life and making healthy choices and moving forward.