I woke up to a cup of tea and news that had me out of bed pretty quickly this morning and checking the news. At 4.30am this morning an earthquake of 7.4 hit Christchurch township in the South Island. I’m in the North Island so myself and family are fine. I have a few friends and family memebers down that way so have been concerned with making sure they are all safe and sound which they are. People are in shock and still getting to grips with things that have occured within the last 12 hours. There is also a risk of another after shock of a substantial degree but all is good. It’s been a while since NZ has has a good earthquake of any degree and the expectation there was that it would be a case of when not if. What make me feel good inside is that in the time of disaster the amount of people that all pull together and look after one another and it’s special to see how the kink circles have all scrambled to check in on each other and offer beds and places to stay. Most freekin awesome.

A big thank you to those that have sent me emails in worrying, I’m fine I am thankfully up the other end of the country so all is well.

Much appreciated xxxx

Info on the quake here

Two more weeks until I get a break from uni, three papers due this coming week, three full A3 illustrations and the following Monday two visuals and supporting exegesis writings and research summaries. Then loaded with a whole pile of new assignments to work on over the break. But at least i can do them at home in peace without the insane travelling. I lose two hours a day travelling into and home from uni.

The best part even though i am stressing because time is limited at the moment is the fun two day conference .. TWO MOAR SLEEPS ‘beams’

Busy impeh?

Fuck yeah!

So tell me, what do you do to unwind when things are full on and crazy? Think outside the square and little things to boost your energy levels and two minute things that refresh you or make you appreciate the little things? I’m curious ….

I miss this place. I miss having a vent and a rant and a write but most days I am so tired and brain drained nothing comes out. I have no regrets deciding to chase a degree, it’s something that has been on my radar since I was 18. I knew when I set out to do this that it was not going to be easy. I was going a little awol this week and getting very anti people, overwhelmed just tired and needing a break. I went out Friday night and stayed at a mates place and having no uni shit about me and no work and just having to vegetate and relax was damn good. But today is going to be spent head down and painting, writing and cramming loads of paperwork in today.

Little discussions with a close friend last night got me thinking about how past relationships have scarred me. It’s hardened me, I avoid any form of real intimacy and I am well aware I do so. It’s easy for people to say ‘let it go’ and I have but along with the heartaches came the scars. Knarled rigid ones that are well ingrained. I don’t trust well. I don’t open up. There’s a part of me that remains well hidden and locked away. That part got hurt far too many times to want to recall and it’s that aspect I don’t let down the walls with anyone very easily anymore. The wild wolf who mistrusts and fears being hurt. A fragile heart that will break into pieces beyond repair. So instead I do what I do because it sates a need, it keeps me sane. I have a close circle of friends, a very small one at that and they know more than most. But there’s always a part that stays locked away. It’s easier that way and I focus on other things that keep me fueled.

I am well aware I am not the only person that does this. We all carry scars.

The best part are those scars have shaped me and I emerged a hell of alot more stronger.

I am slightly pissed off atm as an old ex resurfaced the other day via a friend of mine. I’m happy for her. But I don’t want anything to do with the guy. My opinion hasn’t changed much. The fucker told her personal private sexual shit that yano at the end of the day I don’t really give a fuck about, I’d happily talk to someone about it if they asked but the fact was this guy was running around telling someone who is a mate about my bedroom antics. THAT is MY choice and it was a blatant disrespect and a total disregard for my personal privacy. I don’t talk about ex’s in that way, when we parted ways I moved on and didn’t speak about it again, what happens behind closed doors stays there.

That fuckhead better hope he never crosses my path. He also failed to tell her I had to kick him out of my house. Instead he fed her a lovely story about how it wasn’t a good time for either of us. The truth of the matter was it was not working, he had no job, he was mooching at my house, watching my every move, snooping in my emails, and after meeting him and I just wasn’t attracted to him.

Fuck I really get annoyed at people who spin bullshit.

You can choose to see the truth in things or you embellish. So if you are reading this …. you and I are going to have a few words if you ever grace my presence. Quit bullshitting. And by the way .. the pictures you have of me? Dude it’s been a good two years. Take them off your profile you fuckarse. That is just fucking SAD.

Move on. You fucked up.

We evolve.

I have no regrets.

‘smiles’