I hate it. I hate saying it. It makes me feel like an insignificant pea. I’m not a humiliation slut which is probably why it makes me shitty.

I also loathe the word Master.

It’s fucking hawt when someone makes me say it. But normally I won’t. I’m a stubborn cunt.

I have never been a person that does what everyone else is doing just because they said so and that’s the way it is. I’d much rather have a discussion and come to an agreement as to what way I’ll address that person in certain situations. I have said ‘Sir’ under duress because I’ve had no other way of getting out of a predicament and it’s normally been to prove a point with a sadistic smirk from the said inflictor.

I’m not twue. I don’t intend on changing. Some people like me that way and I’m totally fine with that.

This post tonight from ‘that other place’ got me thinking. The person has a problem with the word Sir and it’s usage from a previous relationship. That word has now become null and void for that person and they are feeling guilt from not wanting to use it ever again.

I don’t see what the big deal is. It irks me in a sense because I see shit like that and I think … hang on a god darn tootin minute … you may be a submissive/slave/bottomy type girlie but you haven’t lost your mouth. If the situation arises and a person asks you to call them Sir and you have issues then bloody well talk to them about it.

TALK ….

There are plenty of other options … shit have a look around. Some people have alternatives that work just fine.

Boss. Captain. Master. Matre. Motherfucker. Sadistic bastard. Dude.

Point being you don’t have to be like every other Tom, Dick & Harry. You don’t have to be a sheeple.

Ultimately? Talk to them.

Me? I’ll use Sir when my hair is being ripped out at the roots and my eyes are bulging and some other nasty sadistic thing is going on causing my brain to implode … I have a low self preservation thing.

Heh.

Usually it’s Sir. Motherfucker! Owowowowow Sir dammit!

Kinda has a ring to it dontcha think?

I’m all for dating. It’s fun. I also like the coffee, LOVE the coffee thing. I also like being able to see the person infront of me in the flesh. I have had a fun few weeks meeting a couple of people I had been chatting to and also catching up with some people from down country. I love putting faces to names.

I love that initial phase where the other person is so damn intriguing you want to find out more. Where the conversation flows and there is a definite connection.

Only very occasionally I  find this through an initial online interaction. The kind where you want to chat for hours and hours and realise time has all but disappeared and you have to log off and you’re excited to talk/chat some more.

And then there are just times where I sit and stare at my screen in utter shock. Then a low rumbling giggle emerges, sometimes a loud HAHA!

I got an email tonight. I had a niggle that it was a copy and paste with perhaps a couple of tweaks. I dunno, I write I just know sometimes. Then I get irked, lemme explain.

“I read your profile and it looks like we have a number of things in common.”

…. considering there is two sentences and then a list of kink interests and fuck all else and I haven’t updated my profile on this site for quite a while as it’s troll city. All I can say is “Really? You really know this from a list? no conversation at all, just a list of words without much meaning, completely subjective and generic.”

I’m single (separated) and have just spent 4 solid days training an ******** based sub (here in **********) using mental rather than physical domination. We had a blast. However we are good friends rather than lovers and the aim of the exercise was short term. Now I’m looking for a longer term relationship, which might suit you.

This is where you now insert a HAHA and I spat a little coffee out. (I really need to learn to put the cup down before I open these emails god dammit!) Gosh four whole days?

‘blinks’

Obviously you may be a little too young for me so I’d have to consider that. And you’re in ******* which has geographical implications. But if you were willing to consider relocation and we hit it off online we could try a flying visit and make decisions from there.

10 years difference. Yep you’re far too old for little old me. I’m far too young & silly at 38. Actually thats a lovely assumption. I like older men but you didn’t know that. Relocation? First email?

What?

Err. No. Career, child, family, friends. I have a life. I don’t know you. You didn’t ask.

Don’t mention relocation in a first email. What the hell?

Please drop me a line and let me know your thoughts and current situation.

*insert another HAHAHAHAHAHA here*

I’m going to behave and reply politely.

If you are going to email a person who is interested in kink. Act like a normal person. Don’t come across all ‘domly’ and assumpty.

P.S.

I read your erotica. “I was inside her hot wet tunnel” …. made me cringe. Please never say that out loud. To anyone. Ever. It’s not sexy.

I must admit there are not many decent S/M novels around that I’d happily tout as good.

The Marketplace series has been about the only set of BDSM books I have enjoyed. I tried reading the Gor books and I seriously could not get past the first few pages. Utterly tedious.

Luckily Eden Fantasys does a pretty good job of stocking quite a few books from Cleis Press which keeps greedy little erotica whores like me, well happy.

Earlier in the year I bought myself, Carrie’s Story written by Molly Weatherfield, after reading quite a few rave reviews on the book. And much to my surprise I did enjoy it. I was intrigued with the story of a young woman discovering BDSM, her journey into slavery and then a deeper journey into a more private world where she is prepared and readied for auction. Carrie is an intelligent, headstrong woman and more than ready to walk down the path of slavery but not without her own inner battles. The book itself was well written, and the POV was a very good insight into the turmoils of a slave’s mind.  If you are interested in pony play then you’ll be quite satisfied. Objectification, obedience, and much more to tempt the sexual palate. It’s one woman’s journey of self discovery

All in all … if you want a good book then this is one to adorn your kinky bookshelf with.

And just when I thought that was the end of it with a nice little end to the first book that left me wanting and craving more, I find there is a sequel.

‘Safe Word’  …. and for all you ponies and trainers out there this is one of the most descriptive erotic pony books I have come across in my travels. This book picks up after Carrie’s successful auction sale. She leaves behind her lover Jonathon, and heads off to Greece into a new world with her new owner, Mr Constant. She spends the next year undergoing pony training and learning a much deeper head space and new experiences. The detail in her training is indepth and keeps your nose buried deep within the books pages.

The biggest part that made this book enjoyable was the actual narrative and the style it was presented in. Instead of a typical story you have the two main characters of the story, Carrie & Jonathon spending five days together after her release from Mr.Constant. They meet in Avignon – the ancestral home of Marquis de Sade and his family. Over the course of five days they discuss her past year and his and a decision is made on whether she wants to return to Jonathon as his slave.

There are six chapters, the first five being each of the five days and the stories they share as each day passes by. Insert a few sex scenes in-between the storytelling set mainly in a hotel room where Jonathon asks Carrie  to retell all the sexual aspects of her training in Greece and it gets pretty hot and steamy in some parts of the book.

The last chapter is really the part of the book that turns you upside down and ends the story in a way that left me smirking as I hadn’t expected the events to sneak up on me like they did. I absolutely love books that can keep you wanting more right until the end and that’s exactly what this book did.

BDSM wise it is a deeper look in the slavery headspace, acceptance, obedience and refining herself through a deeper level of training, unlike the first book she is not madly in love with her Master so it’s not a love story of sorts in regards to her retelling her journey.  The sexual tension between her and her former owner Jonathon is however evident with sexual scenes scattered throughout the story telling. And after reading both books you could go straight into this book without needing to read the first as the second book does a good enough job of miniscule flashbacks to get the storyline.

For those who are relatively kinked these books offer a deeper level where you can relate to and identify more easily to the story being told. There are realistic aspects of a submissive/slave mindset that leave you sat there smiling at times at Carrie’s descriptions of her inner struggles.

They are both paperback books and both covers (see above) are not coffee table friendly, both with nekkid women adorning the front covers. Although you never know what secrets Grandma may be harbouring and you might find them disappearing into her handbag when you are not looking.  Safe Word is a nice 243 pages long but very easy to pick up and read from where ever you left off last time.

So yeah.

I liked it. I mean seriously liked the book and I am a hard person to please when it’s comes to erotica let alone S&M erotica.

It gets a 9/10. Why not a ten? I collect books, I design therefore I like sexy books. The cover image is tacky and looks like cheap shit porn. The contents however are anything but.

I told you I was hard to please.

$12.99Safe Word Book by Molly Weatherfield Format: Paperback Publisher: Cleis Press Inc. Buy from EdenFantasys

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

Before the days of mummyhood and the world of kink enveloped my addled brain I lived an alternative lifestyle.

I chose to remain single and non commital and lived a life that consisted of ‘friends with benefits’. I didn’t want a full on relationship. I enjoyed my freedom and the ability to go where the wind took me so to speak. I liked being free to do what I wanted, when I wanted and where I wanted. I was straight up and rather blunt about where I stood and for a number of years I was happy.

I had casual arrangements with a small number of friends over the years where we both understood and desired a friends with benefits situation. Most of the time it worked well. And at times where feelings started getting strange or too emotional the arrangements where stopped. Whether it was my choice, mutual or theirs. It wasn’t a biggie.

I suppose nowdays because I’m older and been there and done that it holds absolutely no appeal for me anymore. My life has changed now and I have a child that I don’t want to expose to my selfish lifestyle I once had. It’s just not really a practical option for me anymore. I’m also wizened to the pitfalls of casual arrangements and no matter how one bleats on about how great they are and I know they can be, there are also times where it can break your heart in two.

Fast forward to now. After a failed attempt at an engagement and the idea of settling down I had to deal with infidelity. That was a huge barrier I had to overcome. Until that point it had never been an issue in my life. But I’d made a conscious choice to remain monogamous and make a go of a happy life with a partner I intended on marrying. It didn’t work out. I did alot of soul searching and went down the polyamory route. It still has a fuckton of merit for me and a relationship style I admire. i also after a little pondering realised that at many points in my life I had open relationships where there was no hiding who I was and what I chose to do. Other partners knew about each other and had no issues with it. There was an amazing, freeing level of honesty.

But.

I do know that I am at a point in my life where none of that stuff is enough for me anymore.

I do want a monogamous relationship but I’m still open to kink with others. Thing is though, if I’m happy with one person I don’t have a need to play or engage in that stuff with anyone else. For me though kink isn’t always sexually based. There are plenty of things I have done that haven’t been sexually driven. I’m all good with that and I understand my own needs and kinks well enough to know how my own relationship style works.

What I don’t get, well I kinda do, is the casual sex expectations surrounding D/s. For me the intensity levels of a kink arrangement need to be more than a casual arrangement. I just cannot, absolutely cannot submit to a partner if there is no intention of a long term, monogamous relationship on the cards. The level of trust, intimacy and intensity I need isn’t suited for a casual fling. Which is why until that ‘someone’ comes along that ticks most of the boxes I’m happy to be single and not engaging in casual sex and enjoying my huge drawer of sex toys instead and the occasional beating from kinky friends.

If anything, in my travels, I am not the norm in the kink world. Or so I keep getting told. Although most of the time I ignore it because I know there’s alterior motives to those comments.

No. I’m not going to get in your pants.

No. I’m not going to feed your insecurities or your delusions.

I’m tired of people telling me I need a good fuck. I’m tired of people fucking around on each other and battling for attention.

I fuck myself on a regular basis and I do a damn good job… ‘grins’. It’s a less drama filled, uncomplicated lifestyle choice nowdays.

I’m tired of people expecting me to just jump into anything sexually offered just because I carry a ‘kinky’ label.

I am more than capable of doing it. I just don’t want to anymore. It’s hollow.

My ideal? I want  to settle down and grow old with someone who is as kinky and fucked up as me, have fun, enjoy what life has to offer. See a few places, watch my child grow up and give someone everything I have to offer. In return they get love, lots of it. Just little ol’ me and my big heart.

Seriously? Quit telling me whats good for me or what I should do. I already know myself better than you think you do.

Shut.the.fuck.up.