I see it all the time and it irks me to no end.
Submissives/slaves who are being told they’re fake or “not submissive enough” when they speak their mind and it doesn’t fit with some preconceived idea of what a ‘good/real/true submissive should say and do. Let alone lowly slaves who should be automatic doormats because they are … slaves.
Even worse is when I see “from a dominant perspective’ in relations to a discussion where ‘a dominant perspective’ is semantics only.
In my day job, I am in a very male-oriented industry and I am in control of my own workspace. I am published, I teach all, I manage projects and people. I’ve run a business, I’ve been a supervisor and trained staff. That does not make me a dominant.
I speak my mind. I make my opinions known. Outside my own choices to engage in situations with an extremely small number of people I allow to beat me and take a submissive role I submit to NOBODY. I speak my mind on matters that concern me. I’m a solo parent and responsible for a child. I will say “no” when I feel the need.
NONE of those things make me a dominant.
The qualities that make a good submissive/slave are the same qualities that make a good dominant/owner/master/whatever, are the same qualities that make a good PERSON. A whole person.
What differentiates us is the chosen dynamic with the person/s we CHOOSE to engage with on a D/s or M/s or O/p level. And it’s no one else’s business whatsoever. What is decided between those people is their own shit.
Don’t mistake my assertiveness for dominance or believe that only dominants are assertive. That’s absolute poppycock.
Don’t mistake self-control for dominance. It’s called personal responsibility and maturity.
Telling someone they are “not submissive enough” is a sure sign of your obvious butthurt and a pathetic judgment.
Think before you engage your foot in your mouth.
If you still don’t get it?
Watch this …
Vanille
on Jan 14th, 2012
@ 10:44:
I hate when people try to play the ‘not submissive enough’ card.
It’s absolutely annoying. I don’t have to live up to YOUR standards, you’re not my D-type. gtfo.
Vanille´s last [type] ..On Communication
SapioSlut
on Jan 15th, 2012
@ 08:25:
Here, here! Another round of cheers for the idea of whole people.
A sign of that is being big enough to appreciate that what works for each of us is and that it is likely different from me. It is a trait I treasure in others.
The idea that going into a relationship, any kind of relationship (not just a kinky one), to become whole, is a flag of co-dependancy and that ain’t healthy. Co-dependants need each other in order to function and, guess what, we fail sometimes which then means the relationship fails. Complimentary is cool but the magic is when good stuff is multiplied when there are mature, self responsbile people involved. Then everyone can be responsbile for their own stuff, their own communication and when one fails there is someone else there who can still be themselves, still keep things ticking over.
SapioSlut´s last [type] ..A firm grip on her nipple
lil
on Jan 17th, 2012
@ 05:11:
It never ceases to amaze me how people separate the qualities of a good sub or Dom from the basic qualities that make for a good person. As if they are mutually exclusive.
lil´s last [type] ..Like Water
sarah thorne
on Jan 23rd, 2012
@ 09:35:
I have ranted on this subject many times over the years!!! It is nothing but a manipulation on the part of the one saying it to make you do what they want.
Grrrrr……..
Nice piece.
sarah
impy
on Feb 6th, 2012
@ 22:51:
Vanille UGH yes I have had that.
Heh sapio hella yeah! Whole people.
Exactly lil … kinda strange isn’t it?Yes very important and sadly some people seem to leave their brains outside the door when stepping into the world of BDSM.
Yep I think I have a cycle of ranting about the same stuff because new morons keep repeating the dumb. Cheers Sarah.