We have an unfettered kind of love, engulfed in violence. To others is may seem odd even abhorrent but behind closed doors away from the world it is just you and I. Nothing else matters in that space. No one. Just what is.

Today there is a ferocity that has only been building with a temper about to become unfurled in something I can only describe as pure rage and lust all rolled up into a tangle of desire. There is no shame. Instead a satisfaction that those black thoughts that have engulfed our minds and whispered in each other’s ears can become truth.

You tell me what you want to do to me, how you want to leave me in a tumbled heap, quivering and sobbing. There will be tears, a much desired release you muse. You describe in detail the pain I will endure and I smile because I desire nothing less than what you want to give me. You poke and pry open those walls I build. I am defenceless with you and you take advantage of that knowledge. You rip me apart with it.

My cunt responds, you see the flush in my cheeks, the need in my eyes.
Each and every damn time.

A table in a busy café is left, plates still piled with half eaten food.

A fistful of hair, heat. Bodies slamming one another over furniture. Filthy words and slapping fill the air. A vase breaks, ornaments scatter. Fists, bone, the sound of smacking skin. Guttural cries, mewls of defeat, screams of rage and flailing fists.

Ain’t foreplay grand?

The sound of your belt unbuckling and sliding out of your jeans makes me weak at the knees. The leather kissing my arse in welts cause me to beg you to fuck me. But you don’t. Not yet because you are a sadist and you want to make me crawl across that damn floor and beg like I mean it. You, wanting me writhing in my own skin.

I could describe the porn, the smut that every self appointed writer creates that is so god damn generic and so unfucking sexy. But fuck that. I’m not here to please others. Just you.

I’d rather concentrate on what makes you and I want to claw each others eyes out and crawl inside one another. The essence of the dark side of life we all strive so hard to hide. The side we all shrink away from and don’t want the words to slip past out lips in fear of judgement and shame. But we know that’s what flicks our switch. That’s what makes my cunt wet and makes your cock hard.

Isn’t it?

Instead you bring me more pain. More hurt. You leave welts in my skin from where you have claimed me with your hands and teeth.

The climax? You know this is when my fight becomes weaker. When you fuck me until my body shakes leaving me limp and speechless. My eyes meet yours and you see release.

You chase the demons away.

When finally you have me where you want me.

You break over me. And I shatter beneath you.

Let me occupy your mind as you do mine.

Because I am a norty shit and never do what I’m told I’m going to do four of these tonoght. I went on a painting binge today and have been doing web design and teaching voluntary children’s art classes over the last couple of weeks and finding the time to write has been … well. I also need to be in the mood to write which has been non existant for a while.

Anyhoo, the first four….

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Hate is such a strong word. It’s an eeeww word. But I do hate pumpkin. Semantics I suppose. I have body issues that I am self conscious about, mainly my mummy tummy. It’s a pouch of skin and it makes me feel ugly. On the flip side I know it’s a part of my path and it’s my warrior scars from motherhood. Some days I do hate it and other days I see myself differently and I’m okay. I also know I sometimes invest in things emotionally and this has negative effects on me and it’s exhausting. I am learning to make better choices. And learning to say no and feel okay about it.

Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
My stubborn streak and my intuition. Both have been positive in achieving goals and not giving up when things have got bloody hard. I’ve learnt I have much more strength than I realised.

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I had an abortion many moons ago and it ate me up inside for years. I have made peace with myself and now looking back I know it was the right choice for me at the time. The support I had was much appreciated and taught me some valuable life lessons. I have no regrets now but it was something I had to work through. I don’t talk about it often as I am tired of judgemental preaching tunts who don’t ask questions but make a fuckton of assumptions. When they do take the time to listen and ask I explain my situation and they understand. Compassion is a good thing for yourself and others.

Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I grew up in a household which I refer to as a Cinderella house. I was emotionally & physically (not sexually) abused for a number of years by my stepfather. It took me until into my late twenties to come to terms with it all and I have now forgiven my stepfather but the relationship is non existant now. We have spoken and I have told him what it did to me, there were alot of tears on both sides but it’s been resolved. He has an illness and he chooses not to confront it head on and ultimately it is his choice but I do not have to choose to live that way anymore. We do speak but it’s not on a level of parent/daughter.

I could write so much more on all of these things but I try and look forward rather than backwards. I’m in a good space in my life and making healthy choices and moving forward.

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion- Or what do you think of politics-
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do-
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life- If so, when and why-
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now-
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do-
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Feel free to steal it for yourself and let me know if you do. I’m not promising I’ll do this every single day as I’ll be travelling in a couple weeks and I have a few things on but these will get me writing.

Actually so is everyone else. I have been mentioned in a couple places so I’ll just bloody do it hokay? And thanks

1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to 15 blogs you enjoy reading.

1. Here’s a doozy. It’s been three years since I have fucked anyone. I don’t and won’t do casual sex anymore. I can’t. Ironic really considering I write a sex blog. I loathe that term. It’s not why I write. I have intimacy issues and trust issues that have made it near impossible to allow anyone close to me for a long time now. But I’m okay with it. I figure someone special will get past my walls at some point and they’ll be worth it because they want to spend that time doing so.

2. I am two years into my university degree and I often have moments of self doubt that I am wasting my time with it and I should be working and not at school at this age. I also stress amount the amount of money I am in debt with because of this. But I am a fighter and I’m not giving up.

3. I’m still extremely angry at my ex. I’m angry at myself for having to start all over again. But i bounce and bounce back I will, I’m just tired of struggling.

4. I want another dog but circumstances prevent this from happening. I feel like I am missing a chunk of me not having a furry friend. I have had dogs since I was seven years old.

5. I am the most useless friend. I don’t keep in touch but am always there if you need me. I forget birthdays and I don’t buy presents. I am crap at doing the expected ‘friend’ thing, I’m socially awkward at the best of times but I do try. Sometimes I need a kick up the arse because I get very solitudal.

6. I draw or write something every day. Most of it stays in journals. Right now on my shelf I have about twenty moleskines and sketchbooks full of weird braindumps.

7. My son is what keeps me going most days. Before he came along I was on a bad track. If it wasn’t for him I doubt I’d be here.

That was deep and meaningful wasn’t it?

As for adding 15 people … fuck me >>>> look over there >>>> blog list … if you want to share go for it andlet me know so I can come and read.