This was soooo good I had to share last nights gigglefest discovery …

HOUSEPLANTS OF GOR

The spider plant cringed as its owner brought forth the watering can. “I am a spider plant!” it cried indignantly. “How dare you water me before my time! Guards!” it called. “Guards!”

Borin, its owner, placed the watering can on the table and looked at it. “You will be watered,” he said.

“You do not dare to water me!” laughed the plant.

“You will be watered,” said Borin.

“Do not water me!” wept the plant.

“You will be watered,” said Borin.

I watched this exchange. Truly, I believed the plant would be watered. It was plant, and on Gor it had no rights. Perhaps on Earth, in its permissive society, which distorts the true roles of all beings, which forces both plant and waterer to go unhappy and constrained, which forbids the fulfillment of owner and houseplant, such might not happen. Perhaps there, it would not be watered. But it was on Gor now, and would undoubtedly feel its true place, that of houseplant. It was plant. It would be watered at will. Such is the way with plants.

Borin picked up the watering can, and muchly watered the plant. The plant cried out. “No, Master! Do not water me!” The master continued to water the plant. “Please, Master,” begged the plant, “do not water me!” The master continued to water the plant. It was plant. It could be watered at will.

The plant sobbed muchly as Borin laid down the watering can. It was not pleased. Too, it was wet. But this did not matter. It was plant.

“You have been well watered,” said Borin.

“Yes,” said the plant, “I have been well watered.” Of course, it could be watered by its master at will.

“I have watered you well,” said Borin.

“Yes, master,” said the plant. “You have watered your plant well. I am plant, and as such I should be watered by my master.”

The cactus plant next to the spider plant shuddered. It attempted to cover its small form with its small arms and small needles. “I am plant,” it said wonderingly. “I am of Earth, but for the first time, I feel myself truly plantlike. On Earth, I was able to control my watering. I often scorned those who would water me. But they were weak, and did not see my scorn for what it was, the weak attempt of a small plant to protect itself. Not one of the weak Earth waterers would dare to water a plant if it did not wish it. But on Gor,” it shuddered, “on Gor it is different. Here, those who wish to water will water their plants as they wish. But strangely, I feel myself most plantlike when I am at the mercy of a strong Gorean master, who may water me as he pleases.”

“I will now water you,” said Borin, the cactus’s Gorean master.

The cactus did not resist being watered. Perhaps it was realizing that such watering was its master’s to control. Too, perhaps it knew that this master was far superior to those of Earth, who would not water it if it did not wish to be watered.

The cactus’s watering had been finished. The spider plant looked at it.

“I have been well watered,” it said.

“I, too, have been well watered,” said the cactus.

“My master has watered me well,” said the spider plant.

“My master, too, has watered me well,” said the cactus.

“I am to be placed in a hanging basket on the porch,” said the spider plant.

“I, too, am to be placed in a hanging basket on the porch,” said the cactus.

“I wish you well,” said the spider plant.

“I, too, wish you well,” said the cactus.

“Tal,” said the spider plant.

“Tal, too,” said the cactus.

I did not think that the spider plant would object to being watered by its master again. For it realized that it was plant, and that here, unlike on Earth, it was likely to be owned and watered by many masters.

The little guy is now sick with the flu bot and I had just got to uni this morning and settled into my first class when I got a phone call to come and pick him up, I am completely snowed under with uni stuff up to my eyeballs.

I’m still getting over the flu bug I got so I am tired as hell and balancing on the edge of volatile. Some weird chick had eyeball problems on the train this morning to the point of my wanting to poke the said eyeballs to stop her staring issues. Fuck knows what her problem was.It’s fucking rude to stare. Luckily a perfect song came on at the time “What the Fuck Is Wrong With You” so I happily sat there smiling finding it rather ironic and well timed.

One of my classmates has saved my ass this week with me being stuck at home and not being able to attend a couple classes so he rawks! I owe him red bull and coffee when required heh. I haven’t been near any blogs for the past two weeks, I have a book that is sat on my bedside table I haven’t even started to read properly yet because everytime I get into bed to do so my eyeballs decide they don’t want to stay open. What else? Oh I found an epically funneh picture …

Heh owned.

Right now? I would like to go and hibernate in a cave and sleep for a week.

I am now off to the land of nod. That is all.

I’m off to another fetish night tonight and looking forward to a few hours of ‘downtime’. Woooo.

It’s been a crazy week and I’ve been working on assignments all weekend and sleeping. Last time we dealt with a complete and utter tardhead who had no concept of general social skills or manners. With any social BDSM event there’s a basic standard of behaviour expected by most people and I say most because there is always some idiot that makes a dick of themselves. Stupid really because if you do act like a tard you pretty much seal the deal on not ever being welcome back again.

Basic manners are not much to expect. I don’t go around calling every Tom, Dick and Hariet ‘Sir’ or ‘Mistress’ thats just dumb and any fuckwit that expects me to is just that … a fuckwit. The only people that get that from me are special people not some random fucker in leather pants who has a capital letter. Treat people like people in any normal social situation. Be polite. Don’t call some random girlie or boy ‘sub’ .. they are not a sandwich. They are people with names. Respect that and it goes both ways for a capital letter person or a lowercase person.

I’m sick atm so my patience levels are pretty short right now and I’m on grumpy mode so it’ll be a short, sharp reminder if that bullshit goes on.

Fetish events are a great way to meet and talk to people who might have similar interests and it’s also a place where these days I seem to talk to people who are curious and delving and the amount of times I have had to reinforce the fact that people are just people, everyone does things their own way and it’s totally cool. Safety and respect for others spaces is important. Not touching other peoples toys and not approaching someone in a scene. I giggle at the “don’t approach my ‘sub’” shit …. most of the submissives and slaves I know are quite well equipped to handle shit if it occurs. Usually it’s the idiots who waltz into a fetish event and think it’s an ‘ easy pick up spot for sex’ that try it and they get verbally pummeled pretty fast. It NEVER works infact it’s bloody amusing and it will get you absolutely nowhere. The ther thing is there are seasoned people there who know when there are new people about and they ‘watch you’. They are also protective of the newer type submissive ones and will keep an eye out for untoward behaviour and step in if they think there is a need.

Ask questions. LOTS of them, don’t ever be worried that you sound silly it shows you actually give a shit and that you have the intelligence to ask questions in the first place but think about what you ask first don’t assume anything. Most people are very approachable and will happily chat to you and answer questions. Talk to them like normal people don’t act all silly. Events like this are meant to fun, a place to watch, learn, and sometimes participate. The biggest thing that makes me laugh is when a Dom or Domme decides to demonstrate or let someone try something out and then suddenly there’s this assumption that because you might have had a flogging or a caning from this wonderful person they are now your Dom/Domme. W.T.F? No. You had a wee flogging, get the fuck over it.

Lol. May sound harsh but after a few times it gets ridiculously mad.

All. the. time.

If however you are quite ‘normal’ and go along to an event and meet some wonderfully wicked people and had so much fun you want to go back again then by all means go for it! Life is short. Maybe one day i might bang into you, say hi if you do come along to one.

I promise I won’t bite … hard.

I came home Thursday night with a temperature of 41 degrees so I’ve not been very ‘with it’ for the past couple days but I am coming right again. Damn chest infection grrrr. I don’t have time to be sick atm so on damn good flu drugs and getting through a pile of assignments. First week back at uni and they have completely inundated us with big assignments and a very tight deadline. As it is I have spent all day creating forty A3 size typography designs. I have about 5 A3 pencil drawings to do and some research for another assignment. So yes, yet again impy is boringly busy and acting like a complete space cadet. But hey, whats new?

What keeps me going when I am running on low?

Heh music … one of Three Days Grace’s latest toons … ‘headbangs sideways’

I’ve been quiet this week as it’s back at uni for the second semester and so far I have 11 illustrations to complete along with research, exgensis writings and a whole crapload of rough workbook drawings to get done so my head is slightly spinning. I had to share this wee giggle with you today though after being enlightened at a lecture today.

Quackery medicine. We are looking at advertising throughout different eras and the societal influences that were about in the different time periods. The lecturer told us a wee story about his great grandmother who took this dietary supplement everynight before bed, she would mix it in a glass of water and drink it before going to sleep. One night she forgot to drink it and in the morning awoke to find her glass beside her bed swimming with tapeworms … I shit you not. This stuff was real.

Here’s an old advertisement for it …

And after looking about the internet tonight apparently it seems it’s a craze that is coming back and it was discussed on a Tyra Banks show you can drive to Mexico and go buy yourself a bottle. The FDA does not endorse this dietary method lol. The funny thing is Quackery Medicine is alive and kicking on the good old interwebz these days too.

So if you are at all tempted do let me know how it works out. Personally I’ll stick to basic nutrition and exercise.

Eeeeewww.