Today was great! Uber awesome.

27 degree heat and a large bottle of water had me start my afternoon of standing outside of the town hall watching all the new students including myself, waiting to start our new journeys.

It was pure madness, but great fun finding my little group of first year graphic design students, having chats and asking all kinds of questions. Then we had a welcoming  session and after that it was off to our lecture hall in our block to meet the program leaders. Most of what was said was really nothing new to me as far as the field of graphic design, the need to adhere to deadlines and asking questions.

One thing that had me sat there feeling very proud of myself was something the tutor made very clear…out of 500 applicants that applied for this degree, the 130 of us sat in that lecture room were the cream of the pile.

Wow.

I was a little surprised. For every single one of us in that room meant that four other people per person hadn’t got in. Handpicked as the most promising and most talented he said. The university I have chosen is the best NZ has to offer as far as a Graphic Design course and has a reputation for churning out some of NZ’s top designers so I am very proud to be chosen. It did bring home the fact that my age and work experience has already given me a huge head start. In more ways than one.So I am kinda buzzing a little over that. I feel good, like all the hard work over the years has been recognised in a way that actually means something to me.

Next Monday is the start of the full time classes 8am start. Apparently, according to one of the tutors, graphic designers like to ‘look’ cool. But we have to not worry so much about looking cool and apparently be nerdier. Hmmm I’ll have no problem with that. I can do both haha.

The whole concept of working ‘with’ a tutor as a peer on a first name basis and having someone there to teach us how to be independent in our thinking and our design approach is why I am pursuing this degree, relearning and enhancing the creative process is a huge hurdle I want to tackle and grow into. After sitting there today and literally bouncing off the energy of the tutors and the whole environment I’m more than ready. I need this. And the tutors are pretty freekin cool.

Right now I am tired, it’s been a long afternoon, the orientation started at 1pm and I got home just after 5.30.

I came home to find a couple of review items from Eden Fantasys which was a nice way to end the afternoon, some gorgeous rope and a rather fascinating bullet.

I had a quick play with a new book and some rope tonight …

I had a shit bout of insomnia last night which pissed me off as I had an early morning start today. The parents asked me and the little one to spend the day with them which I wanted to do as it’s not a regular occurence. Family is important, quality time is precious. We had that and lots of laughs. We ended up going for a drive and exploring a cool place and I managed to get some freekin cool shots today. The views were amazing …

Uni starts tomorrow … yeeeehaaaa! no more freekin waiting. A new chapter in Impyland begins …

Am I ready?

Fuck Yeah!

And to all the negative fuckers in my life…. yeah I did it.
Fuck you I’m happy and I’m living my dreams and reaching my goals.
This has been a long time coming.

Right now I need sleep. Updates tomorrow …

There is something about you that exudes control. Never faltering.

Perfected restraint.

Even when you unleash your beast and I see those black shrouded eyes staring down at me.

I see control.

An unhindered determination to play out exactly what is going on in behind that skull of yours. The whimpers, yelps and growls that spill from my reddened lips do nothing but fuel you more. The heat and wetness in my cunt feeds the beast. My body begs for it my mind struggles.

Those eyes they take me deeper, I strain to look away but the curiosity of staring into that abyss of darkness draws me back everytime.

What do you see in mine? Fearful yet an unspoken trust that you will not break me?

Or do you see a pent up, wild rage begging for release, that washes over into a far away look, begging for it, craving pain to take away the hurts, the anger, the sorrow?

Will you bring her out to play? Coax her out of the dark recesses she hides?

You push me right to that edge where I dangle with my feet over the edge. It’s at that moment when the mind turns white, everything disappears, there is nothing but focus on the moment.

That’s where she feels safe to come out from her dark place in my mind, when the light draws her out to see. Growls seethe and grow in volume, feral and panting she appears.

Beast meets beast.

It is there your control keeps her under your hand, it is there you claim her or all is lost.

Sometimes she disappears as rapidly as she seems to appear.  Replaced by a silent calm.

Or is it the eye of the storm, the calm before the pent up rage appears again needing to be sated?

To be claimed, taken and reminded which beast holds the cards.

You know exactly when that happens, you feel sinew loosening, her body relenting to your touch.

She needs that control as much as you need to give it.

Just as much as she needs to relinquish it to you.

It is as natural as breathing.

Omg I lay down on the bed after dinner with the little one to watch tv with him and promptly fell asleep for three hours. I had IM’s and emails sitting there with ‘where are you?’ Ooops lol.

Anyways I started a thread today in one of the Kiwi Fetlife groups I hang out in about what makes people proud to be Kiwi’s in the land of the long white cloud and it was absolutely awesome to read some of the replies and it got me thinking. Yes because my brain never shuts up. I love living here in NZ. I am damn proud of my heritage. Sometimes though people need reminders of who they are.

My little one and I sat here this morning watching the All Blacks do their legendary haka and he asked why are they doing that mummy? So we had a long talk about different countries and their cultures and what makes NZ special. One day when he’s old enough I will tell him why I bought him home to NZ again after my separation. It’s important to me he grows up here and has the chance to have a childhood in an awesome place.

Sometimes when I write the odd bit of Kiwi slang sneaks in. Sometimes I do wonder if people know what the hell I am talking about or take something I’ve written to mean something entirely different soooo … I’m going to familiarise your bad selves  with basic kiwi-ese words and sayings and you’ll be away laughing!

Arvo ~ Afternoon
Aggro ~ Aggressive
Chuffed ~ Pleased
Jandals ~ Open topped summer footwear, known elsewhere as thongs or flip-flops … things here are referred to as g-strings underwear lol, in Australia thongs are the equivalent of our ‘jandals’ it can get mighty confusing lol
Kia ora ~ Maori greeting, used as ‘hello’
Kiwi ~ A flightless bird, or used colloquially to mean a New Zealander
Knackered or Buggered ~ In reference to a person it means tired, “I’ve been at work all day and I’m knackered!”, in reference to a thing it means broken, “My car won’t start, I think the engine’s knackered.”
Knickers ~ Panties/Underwear
Lollies ~ Candy, a store selling candy is known as a ‘lolly shop’
Mate ~ A close friend, to do something for a friend at a discount is to give them “mate’s rates”
Shout ~ The act providing something for people, usually meaning to take turns buying a round of drinks at a bar/pub – “It’s Joe’s shout”, it’s common to have a work shout .. where alcohol is one of the normal offered beverage and mebe a few snacks
Stuck in ~ As in ‘to get stuck in’, to become involved in working on something
Stuffed ~ Exhausted
Sweet and Sweet As ~ Broadly used to indicate general agreement, “I can meet you after work if you like,” “Sweet!”; or used to describe something highly regarded or “That’s a sweet motorcycle!”, “This concert is going to be sweet as!”
Thanks ~ Often used in requests in place of ‘please’, as in “I’ll have a bottle of orange juice, thanks.”
Cheers ~ Often used in place of ‘thank you’
Wop-wops ~ In the middle of nowhere, equivalent to the American ‘boondocks’ .. I used to live out in the ‘wop wops’ was glorious
Across the ditch ~ Across the Tasman Strait, e.g. you can hop on a plane in New Zealand and fly ‘across the ditch’ to Australia
Away laughing ~ To do something with no problems
Flat tack ~ To be hard at work
She’ll be right ~ Everything will be okay

I’m sure there’s other random weird shit I have written and I am also sure you would tell me if I wrote something weird in Kiwi-ese you didn’t understand … right?

Box of birds!

Sit back, matter of fact, teasing, toying, turning, chatting, charming, hissing, playing the crowd.
Play that song again, another couple Klonopin, a nod, a glance, a half-hearted bow.
Oh such grace, oh such beauty, and lipstick and callous and fishnets and malice.
Oh Darling, you’re a million ways to be cruel.
I should, I wish I could, maybe if you were, I would, a list of standard-issue regrets.
One last 80 proof, slouching in the corner booth.
Baby, it’s as good as it gets.
Oh such grace, oh such beauty. So precious, suspicious, and charming, and vicious.
Oh darling, you’re a million ways to be cruel.

.oO(I reckon this dance could be the new thang!)