Avoidance. I haz it.

I haven’t written anything deep and meaningful for a long while. Not wanting to write about it but scrawling on random bits of paper the same shit over and over means I need to write it out. I have been doing a hell of alot of reassessing of late. The last few months really.

What do I want? I want intimacy, love and a meaningful relationship. Like most people do but there are things I am missing. As much as I would like to use the word ‘submissive’ that’s not it. I can’t do ‘part time’ D/s, it just doesn’t work for me. TPE … that tickles my brain cells and my cunt. It takes the right kind of person to bring that out in me and the most important thing is a friendship, like mindedness, the ability to understand one another. Personally it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack so I’ve stopped.Just not even bothering looking right now. The poly thing? I haven’t changed my views on it but I know that I can’t deal with more than one partner at this stage in my life. As it is I am spread thin. I don’t mind having a partner than has other people to play with, it can be quite entertaining in the big picture lol. Transparency is great when you find people who can do it well.

Instead I am just focussing on the good things and not worrying about it. Just plodding along and getting beaten up by friends hehe.

So writing about the in’s and out’s of kink is a challenge for me right now because it dredges up things I am missing and craving. I miss what M and I had. I miss that depth and I’m not sure I’ll find that again. I’m not even going to try and explain it right now but I miss having someone know me inside and out that I don’t have to spend the majority of my time explaining myself and going through the motions.

I am sick to death of the local scene shit here, seriously it’s fucking insane and I am walking away. Time for the quiet life without all the backstabbing, gossip and drama shit. And all the weird fuckers that seem to crawl out from under their rocks. I have met some very amazing people and I’ll keep in touch with them but I am just going to hang out with a few kinky friends and just enjoy having fun for a while instead and do all the things I want to do with people I trust and enjoy their company. That shit I will and can write about but for now I’m going to try not to dissect myself so much.

Brain splodeys.

Oh yeahs … a rant has commenced too ….

I had some 62 year old dude message me out of the blue tonight and ask me if I had stilettos because he didn’t like the boots in one of my pictures.

*blink*

Lets see. You are old enough to be my Dad/Grandpa (nearly) LOL … errr what happened to people using basic social skills and introducing themselves and being polite and having manners ?!?!?! And wtf is it to you dude what I wear ….. fuck right offskies.

And that is why I have had enough. From now on impy has her wolfie fangs out and is not putting up with anymore bullshit from deluded fucktards on the net.

Wtf is wrong with people can’t they just settle for porn and have a wank without spamming people’s inboxs with worthless dribble?