Wikipedia refers to the Internet Troll as someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog yada yada, with the primary focus of provoking other users into an emotional or disciplinary response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.Basically they have no life and hide behind a computer screen and abuse people. They are the interwebz version of  ‘pondscum’.

I prefer the term assclown so we’ll stick with that.

When an assclown is afflicted with this terrible disease commonly known as Internet Troll Personality Disorder or ITPD is characterized by rather sad attention-seeking behaviour. Chronic Troll Syndrome (CTS) is an interwebz disease that is generally present in assclowns. It causes the given assclown to be unable to tell the difference between the interwebz and IRL limits. They probably walk around saying “lawlz” out loud too. As a result, the assclown is no longer able to comprehend what is appropriate to say and do when dealing with real people in contrast with the interwebz.

A lot of assclown’s use what one calls a sock puppet account. A sock puppet is a fake identity which is used by someone who does not want to post under his or her regular name basically because they don’t have the courage to actually be real and accountable … actually normally they have no balls and have ishoos with society in general; some assclowns  have multitudes of sock puppets to make their side of an argument look like it has a large number of supporters. When in reality they just have far too much time on their hands and have not mastered the art of wanking well enough that they instead spend hours trolling the interwebs boosting their pathetic ego’s by insulting people thus making them feel slightly powerful for a nano second when they recieve an angry reply. They keep coming back for more though as even one comment in retaliation is enough for them to nearly orgasm from attention. Poor wee things are deprived.

The easiest way to combat this is for all users to randomly snog them sensless in succession and compliment them and have no other interaction. They seem to have an allergic reaction to this type of behaviour. Assclown’s quite often use ‘sockpuppet’ accounts, usually via a proxy server, although many proxy servers are infact tracable. For some reason they like to change genders but most fail miserably  at actually pulling it off. They also forget to change their typing habits and manner of speech.

Most assclowns believe that they are, in fact, funny. Sadly for them it’s quite the opposite, the general population deems them not funny at all.  Anyone who does not agree with them is obviously either generically of course: overly sensitive, power mad, angry, has no life, no sense of humor, or is a combination of two or all of these. In many instances, one can see where the assclown has in fact fucked up but is too wrapped in their own little laugh to notice how much of a dork they have really been.

That’s when you get to laugh.

These assclowns are the most easy to identify, as they often stop leaving comments when it is obvious even to a monkey with a brain tumor that they have fucked it up, or when you see a comment that begins with telling the owner of the site/picture/story/etc that they suck for no good reason or the spamming generates towards incoherent one sentence insults or general basic kindergarten insults that anyone could come up with. A functional brain and creativity are not an assclown’s strong points.

Sadly it’s incurable. Once they start even a 12 step addiction program will not help them, they have fallen into the abyss of stupidity.  They usually progess to cyberstalking levels and at that point report their sorry ass to their ISP host. There are plenty of IP trackers online that will bypass a crappy proxy and give you their destination.

Assclown’s also have a voracious appetite normally consisting of their favourite food … angry scathing replies. There’s a well know saying ‘don’t feed the trolls’ (or in this case) … ‘assclowns’. Feed them nothing or if you are feeling slightly sadistic … smother them with love.

Best option … stay well clear preferably with a  pokey stick of doom, ignore said assclown (they hate it), block and if those options do not succed in keeping the pissant at bay last resort … “delete user” as they are highly contagious and can make even the most sane person ill. Approach with extreme caution. Being pondscum assclowns normally bring with them a very strong odour of stupidity.

(a pokey stick such as this is perfect)

They are also prone to causing stomach cramps from too much laughing and eye strain from trying to decipher their twaddle.

Approach at own risk.

(On a side note Molten informed me last night in random conversation that the term ‘dork‘ actually refers to a whale’s penis.)