When you come across things you see in the kink world that annoy you and you write like I do there comes a point where one just gets to a point where you shake your head and you think what the hell? There are things I don’t agree with, there are things I just don’t understand and there are things that I suppose are hard limits for me. Along the way you begin to discover things that really just don’t turn one’s dial. It doesn’t mean what others do isn’t any less or any better, it’s just different and at the end of the day it’s what gets those people off. People judge people for all sorts of reasons and it’s no different in the BDSM world.
What annoys me the most though over everything else is the assumption a dominant has that they can just walk up and treat someone who carries the label ‘submissive’ as an open invitation to do what they like, to be all dominant and tell you ‘how it is’. I find it fucking insulting and ridiculous. To assume (in this case I am speaking about a woman) that because she carries the term submissive means she’s going to instantly bow down and be all subbie like because you demand it? It’s her choice to submit when she has decided something is worth pursuing.
I’m still single, I have the freedom to make my own choices and have the relationships I want within my comfort levels. Molten and I have a situation where we co-habitate we support each other emotionally, we help each other with parenting. Velvet and I are close friends and we hang out on occasion. I have others in my life that I have close friendships with who I happen to have a little kinky fun but ultimately it’s still my decision to do kinky stuff. If at any point I am not comfortable I say I am not happy with it, stop. If I don’t want to that is still my choice. I am not owned, I am not anyone’s submissive. I do want a D/s relationship but yano I have a life I want the normal stuff too, I’m a mum, I’m building a careeer it’s not always going to be kink 24/7, that’s just not possible for me. I also don’t have a switch that turns on and off, it needs to be something that grows in time. And hell if it’s not fun and it’s constant drama and stress then count me out. No thanks. I am happy to wait until the right fit happens if it ever does. Until then it’s my choice as to what I want to do and whom I want to play with.
I am lucky that I have the option to have a little fun around my daily life. I love spontaneous fun. I plan and structure everything else in my life, when it comes to kink I don’t want to deal with planning and structuring that too. But the thing is you have to. At least in the sense of knowing what is and isn’t okay and making sure it’s clear to those you are going to play with. I see people running amok going stupid and making silly decisions and then crying woahs me he hurted meeeee. It takes two people. If there is no permission from one side to do something, if there is no checking in with the person you are playing with to make sure they are comfortable with what is going on, if you are not communicating then hello Captain Stoopid … of course things are going to hit the proverbial fan.
Kink play encompasses so many things and at this point for me sex isn’t a part of it. That is reserved for a committed relationship with one person. There are so many things I can explore without sex needing to be a part of it. Do I miss sex? Lol I would be lying if I said I didn’t but it’s an important and intimate aspect of a relationship for me and being compatible with someone in that sense is huge. I also need a strong attraction there for that to happen. I have relationships where I am emotionally very close but I am not sexually attracted and yano that’s fine. I tend to focus on the good stuff that exists rather than the stuff that just isn’t there. I’ve had too much emotional baggage and crap to deal with over the past few years so nowdays I do what makes me grin.
And yano I’m pretty happy with where life is at right now and enjoying focusing on the things that fuel me. For the next two weeks I have the little one at home (school holidays) and working on stuff for the upcoming uni interview so writing will be hard as I am not coping with the constant noise from the construction going on and trying to write during the day is fucking hard with that crap going on in the background. But I shall try when I get time at night.
I got annoyed this morning reading a post kaya plonked on Fetlife and read all the replies and comments. We all have bad days and I have plenty of sub/slave friends I talk to who go through stages of reactance or simply just a bad fucking day. Fetlife has the option of usuing a journal off one’s profile and it’s a part of Fetlife I love but I do wish it was only available to be viewed by friends to stop asshatted pack groups of what I have always viewed as elitist mob posters /trolls from writing utter crap.
It’s sad when one can’t even have a bad day and you get told OMG leave him now! … pathetic. What pisses me off is people who blog open themselves up to all and sundry and yes we all are well aware of the risks of doing so and the exposure to people who simply enjoy telling you how you are doing it wrong, how stupid you are yada yada yada. WHY fucking read them if all you are going to do is try and shove them into your own preconceived box. It is journal writing, one day from the next we sit infront of our screens and we pour out emotions, it doesn’t however mean you get the whole story or even a smidgen. What you get is writing, processing, emotions, and in a females case sometimes even a good ol PMS day. Get over it and get off your goddamn high and mighty stools because at the end of the day all I see is someone with a holier than thou opinion but no real substance to have the courage to actually sit down and do the same thing and open yourself up to others. Think before you type is all I am saying. There’s a lot of bloggers out there who do get it.
Rant over.
Oh yeahs … bruise update … hooge and yellow and scary lol. My ass still hurts when I sit down, the bum bite is now expanded and wonderful shades of blue and black and yellow with teeth marks still. I went out for coffee with a friend on Monday afternoon and was stinking hot in a jumper and craving cool air. Out in public with an arm that looks black and blue …. fuck it I said took the jumper off and sat there in all glory. I wonder what people think when they see that shit LOL. Omgz she haz teh abuse!!!
Yes I am fucked up beyond belief and keep poking my ass and arm and grinning. I had fun. I am going to petition the names I am far too stubborn to use those as safewords. I am thinkin Gorjus Sur and Gorgus Mizz are just too elitist *nods* … *beams*
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