What a day. Iz tired.

I took the little one for an “exploring” afternoon today. It started with a train trip … in which everytime we went through a tunnel he freaked out and was rather relieved to see daylight each time we came through the other side. What made me giggle was the exclamation “Mummy we don’t have seatbelts! I can stand up!” In which he did stand and refused to sit down. Me? I sat there rather amused.

Then we arrived into the hustle and bustle of the city. People everywhere and noise. I grew up here, you think I would be used to it but I hate the city. Too much noise, too many people has me in uber stress mode, but we were on an adventure, it was his day. We had lunch then jumped on a bus. I got away with him being “under five” all day today which means I saved money hehe. He’s little and easily mistaken for an under five year old,the joys of having a vertically challenged mummy…. he inherited my height.

I had no freekin idea where to get off the bus to get to our destination, the museum, so a guess and a wee tramp and lo and behold, I’d figured it out well enough to have gotten off at the right stop. I hadn’t been here for quite a few years so I had memories off my own. It still looked the same as it did when I was little. A foreboding building steeped in history. Only difference was when I was little it seemed huge and endless. Much to my surprise it now seems small inside and I wasn’t that impressed.

The little one had fun though, taking great delight in leading me into the children’s discovery section and throwing a freekin fake spider at me. I screamed. Everyone looked at me as if I had grown a third head. The little one … rolling round the floor in hysterics. Me … mumbling and dragging him outta there after passing a glass case full of live cockroaches (stifling yet another scream) … I’d had my fill of freeking horrid bugs for the day. Remind me now why I thought a museum trip would be fun?

I got my revenge dragging him through the volcanic section, actually we had to get through it to get to the next exhibit. He wasn’t having any of it. I ended up picking him up and covering his eyes as we walked through. He loved most of the exhibits but had a lady in fits of giggles when we got to the armery/war section and he proclaimed in his loudest voice looking at all the guns… “Where’s the rocket launcher mummy?” (I swear he watches far too much Ben 10)

We bustled through the various exhibits and a sense of sadness hit me going through the hall of names. All the men who lost their lives in World War II. My poppa’s friends names were on there. I remember as a child Poppa showing me his friends names and the silence that followed. An eerie place to be. The little one completely oblivious to that room and its meaning.

After an exhausting (full of whinging that his feet hurt) wander through this old building full of wonders we decided to go have a bite to eat and mummy desperately in need of a little quiet and fresh air we decided to wander down to the Wintergardens. I loved this place as a kid. I used to pretend I was in another world. Like a secret garden, but now it doesn’t seem as magical either. What is it we lose as we grow older? I need to travel more, all those new places are the ones that hold that magical feeling we have as children when we discover new things, thats what I miss.

Out of the whole day though, watching my son take delight in all the new and amazing things he saw … that was magical.

Sweat trickled down her forehead causing her to squeeze her eyelids shut to avoid the sting. It wasn’t enough however to avoid the sting of the flogger lashing itself across her thighs and stomach. She wouldn’t beg for release. Her stubborn streak too strong. Choked sobs came out in waves, the chain around her neck tied down, causing her to fight for breath every time she lurched forward.

He stopped, leant over her wrenching her chin to face him, the cold of the gloved hand causing her skin to smother itself in goosebumps. He admired the view. Pale naked flesh, reddened stripes, tear stained face, bottom lip quivering. He smirked and stared her in the eye.

“You are suspected of espionage.  I know you will tell me what I want to hear. Even if I have to squeeze it out of you my pet“, his hand grabbing the chain that was attached to two perfectly pierced, engorged nipples and pulling sharply causing her to cry out.

She rode the wave of fresh pain and stared back at him with anger.

“I am innocent. I have no knowledge of what you are asking“, her breathing ragged, breathing through the pain that was threatening to cause her to pass out.

He disappeared from her view and she heard him rummaging through the black leather bag sat over on the floor. It was dark in the roomexcept for the glare of the light directed at her face made it difficult to see anything else. Footsteps walking behind her.  A blindfold roughly placed over her eyes. She could feel his breath on her neck. Something cold snaking its way down her stomach, over her clit which made her body jolt. A gasp, followed by a moan as this object found its target.

“Perhaps we can persuade you to talk by other means. Let’s see how long you can last this before you need a release? And you won’t be getting one until I get what I want. A confession.“, he pushed the 8 inch dildo into her cunt and began thrusting, the other hand rubbing her clit into a frenzy. Smiling as he listened to her frenzied body building itself to exactly where he needed it to go.

Smirking he leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “It won’t be long now before I get what I want will it slut?”

Grumpy? No it’s not that.

I’m guessing my hormones are all up the whack atm, well I hope thats all it is. Which means lethargy, random teary sessions (which I am already sick of, I hate it) and just wanting to curl up into a ball. My monthly is non existent, for the last two months to be exact and no I am most definately not pregnant. Eeeww. Right now, day to day is enough to deal with. I don’t like my body right now it has me in a state of confusion and frustration.

And the incessant rat-atat-tat of a fucking jackhammer outside is driving me nuts. Doesn’t make for a great writing atmosphere.

The little one was awesome this morning helping me clean and running amok with a spray bottle in hand asking to wipe every concievable surface he can see, we’ve had a huge room change about in the house. Molten separated from her husband a couple weeks back so it’s been a harrowing couple of weeks. I’ve not wanted to talk about it on the blog but it is a huge part of whats been going on lately. She’s coping well. Both Velvet and I have been helping her through it all, it has been hard dealing with recurring memories of my own separation and having to deal with the little one being very aware of changes here as well, he’s been affected too.

It’s left me with very little energy reserves of late. The kids are all coping really well and I have been fluttering about getting the house sorted and making spaces for everyone. Molten and I are now sharing the massive master bedroom here which has an extra bathroom up here as well. We have two beds and my office stuff and a sunny spot where we have an armchair and a coffee table and a wee balcony that steps out off the room. So there’s been alot of change to get used to again. I have a habit of taking stress internally and I think my body has been telling me that in the last two weeks.

The kids are at their dads this week so it’s just me and the little one and Molten is away on a business trip so the house has been eerily quiet and because he’s got no one to play with he’s been bugging me to no end constantly. I’m kinda missing all the chaos, which really, is quite fucked up because I like alone time. We sorted his room this morning and I have him all cosy on a beanbag watching a dvd in his room with a little picnic lunch I made him. He’ll be bugging me soon to play games on the laptop. I have a wee museum trip planned towards the end of this week with him and we have a weekend with family coming up (thats going to be damn interesting) and then it’s back to school next week for him (phew).

Good stuff … I have a parcel arriving from Eden Fantasys this week, an erotica book I am keen to immerse myself in and to top it off they are sending something else that will compliment the book well and a wonderful added bonus I wasn’t expecting so I am itching for it to all arrive. Who know’s I might just do a vlog and read you guys a bedtime story in my weird kiwi accent.

I also need to work out what the hell I am going to make for tonight’s dinner. I have gone from cooking for six tummies down to me and a midget who eats very little. I find it so much easier to cook for lots of people it sux cooking for just me, cause really he might as well share my plate of food.

Right now time to go do some work, I have done fuck all of that lately and my finances are in dire need of a boost. Yup nothing fascinating here today. Typical day to day stuff. I’m still uninspired.

We all have days like this huh?

Uninspired.

Bleah sums it up nicely.

I hate this freeking mood. I’m snarky.

I’m  just ugh.

I also hate the header on the new layout.

I’m full of ugly today, darkness and nothingness.

That feeling of being ‘there’ but not.

Not knowing how to crawl out from that place that grasps it thick claws into my skin and drags me down.

Or is it safer to wallow in that horrid space where at least my thoughts are dead and quiet?

On another note I have a craving to rant:

I am also sick to death of fucktards who think I have nothing better to do than spam my email full of utter crap. Take your dumliness elsewhere and fuck off. Remove head from ass and connect with outside of yourself.  I despise bullying, I despise asshats who think because they use the word dominant (in your case duminant) that it means you can act like one with me when I have no interest in who or what you are. You are a blip on my sphere, one I want to swat like a fly. Retard.Quit acting like a holier than thou twatter.

Here’s a song just for you ….

Do you
Do you really enjoy
Living a life
That’s so hateful
Cos there’s a hole
Where your soul
Should be
You’re losing
Control of it
And it’s really
Distasteful

F*ck you, f*ck you
Very, very much
Cos we hate
What you do
And we hate
Your whole crew
So please
Don’t stay in touch

(c’mon clever bunnies who sings it?)

(and yes I feel slightly better now)

(grins)

The template that I use on here is having a hissy fit and doing weird things since I upgraded to the 2.8 version of wordpress so the blog is going to get an overhaul very shortly and a new template that won’t be an asshat and turn into a freekin poltergeist .. if it seems like things have gone all weird it’s prolly cause I am sat here fucking about coding. So don’t panic!

Heh I love twitter, people post some odd things and sometimes some very cool things. This morning I clicked on a link mainly because I saw “Go Kiwis” in the comment. I am proud of being a New Zealander and things like this … remind me why. We’re an ingenious bunch when it comes to marketing and hell this set of vids made me giggle and I couldn’t stop staring. Can you see what’s different? …

And if that wasn’t enough of a taste of the Kiwi accent … here’s some more …

Update:
Template changed, sidebar still needs some major tweaking, header not finished most of the serious changes are done. No post from me tomorrow more geekery to get it finished *yawn tis late iz tired*