“Stuff” is what has been going on lately, lots of it. Alot of that “stuff” hasn’t found it’s way here for one reason or another. There is a part of me that is rather protective of the relationships I have and a need to not share what goes on behind closed doors. This is a journal, mine so part of me thinks what the hell I need to write “stuff”. The difficult part is deciding what.It will change soon as to what I need and want to write but for now the doors remain closed for a little while longer.
Most of my days are full of work and parenting. Writing for various things and doing design work. I’m full up. I have been selfish of late and left my spare time for the two people in my life that I want there. Friends and family have been pushed to the wayside. My blood family have never really given two hoots what I do with my life. The only time they want my attention is when they need a shoulder to whinge on or “can you fix my comp”. It irritates me to no end. I got sick of picking up their pieces off the floor a long time ago. I stood back and well it’s left me with very little support.
My son is lucky if he sees any of them. It won’t change unless I live on their back doorstep .. which ain’t gonna happen. I like the imposed distance though it suits me fine. No family drama is good drama.
The little one has been sick as hell all weekend which meant little time to do fuck all else but be the available kling on toy for him. He even had a sad when I said I was going to pop down to the store for five minutes “Noooo mummy don’t leave me”, he didn’t want to come so after a good 10 mins of consoling he got picked up and plonked on my hip and dragged there with me. Through sobs of “I don’t wanna go with you”. Saturday night was even more trying as he’d fell asleep in my bed so I had left him there. I’d just sat down to work when a horrid smell wafted into my nostrils and I turned to find my 5 year old son covered in poop.
*insert green vomit face here*
Yano if I wasn’t his mum I would have run away screaming right then and there. The side effects from the medicine can cause diarrhoea … and my god it fucking did all through my god damn bed. This parenting thing is hard at times. Poor guy was freaking out at me freaking, out so I pulled my head in, got him showered and into his own bed then spent the rest of Saturday night spring cleaning my room and washing. By the time I was finished my room smelt like one of those damn cleaning product aisles in a supermarket. 2am … I finally got to sleep.
The fucked up thing was while I was cleaning I was musing and just do NOT get how someone can find scat play arousing or fun. Seriously playing with poop? It’s just fucking gross. Mebe changing nappies and dealing with accidents gives you a better understanding of just how gross it is. I dunno. Ewww. Each to their own. Me? No fucking way … ugh.
The night before I had been up every hour on the hour with him. By last night I was a frazzled mess. Completely over playing nurse maid. Craving downtime.
Velvet and Molten were there last night and Molten got much needed hugs and Velvet has kneaded the stress out of my shoulders and given my back a darn good cracking. Having that little bit of time to decompress with them was much needed. I slept like a rock last night and full of beans today.
selkie
on Jun 8th, 2009
@ 13:09:
hope the little guy feels better soon – for him and you. The thing with kidlets is that even when you really really REALLY need that break, tough beans – they need you regardless. glad your molten and velvet helped unwind you a bit – someitmes just those moments allow you to keep your sanity. I had four under 6 and worked nights so basically napped when they napped in terms of sleep. it was tough but I wouldn’t change it – those moments when they look at you….
Belladonnax
on Jun 8th, 2009
@ 14:14:
gah I can so relate to this. Take the time you need, deal with the people who need it and fsck everyone else. Now don’t I sound like a caring, sharing person?
vanimp
on Jun 8th, 2009
@ 14:27:
@selkie, Yep, the need for solitude is over ridden with the call of parenting. 4 under 6? Hell woman you have strength! xxx
vanimp’s last blog post..Squick Factor
vanimp
on Jun 8th, 2009
@ 14:28:
@Belladonnax, *smile* You always say the right things
vanimp’s last blog post..Squick Factor
doubleknot
on Jun 8th, 2009
@ 14:32:
Try playing with a colostomy all day at work. (Which I did today, and in fact, the last three days) I soooo don’t get scat play either. YUCK!!
I hope the little guy’s feeling better now.
doubleknot’s last blog post..I’m so sleepy…
vanimp
on Jun 8th, 2009
@ 21:57:
@doubleknot, Hmmm I finks yours is worse LOL eewww. He’s getting there, past the bad stage just a horrible hacking cough and an annoying habit of spitting all his medicine on me lol x
Liras
on Jun 9th, 2009
@ 15:34:
Hope your baby is well soon.
There are benefits to not having family members perpetually underfoot.
I have been told that those who love shit want to be loved in spite of it. Somehow, they coming shining through the waste and miasma of funky odours.
Ugh. No. Love is not my thought.
Can’t I just send a card instead that says inside “You are wonderful!!’?
Liras’s last blog post..Ruins
viemoira
on Jun 9th, 2009
@ 23:56:
hope your kiddo feels better. Cherish it all- even through the yucky times cause they grown up way too quick!
Hopefully you’ll get some downtime o recharge!
viemoira’s last blog post..Musical Monday: David Bowie – Rebel Rebel
SweetSpiced
on Jun 10th, 2009
@ 01:01:
I’m with you there! And you’re right, dealing with it in rl makes us much less likely to want to play with the damn stuff. *hugs* Hope kiddo is feeling better.
SweetSpiced’s last blog post..The Interview
the eternal list
on Jun 17th, 2009
@ 12:31:
hopefully all the drama doesn’t get too out of hand and soothes off