Microfantasy Monday is suppossed to be a short piece of erotic writing. But honestly I have sat here all day trying to conjure up some sexy wee story to tantalise and entertain. Alas instead I felt the need to purge. So purge I did …
In the dark places that rest in my mind, rusty and cobwebbed, locked away in a coffin you sit. You have been banished to the far away recesses that never heal, they simply stagnate. Memories I wish I could wipe away and forget. Your dark disease spreading it’s filth. It’s sickness. Your illness.
You hurt those you seek to destroy with your words. The alcoholic haze that clouds your mind drifts out to taint others. When you should have been there for me instead I found you lying in your own piss stained jeans, drool forming at the corner of your mouth, the stale smell of beer tainting the summer air.
When you should have been there encouraging me and supporting me and helping me to grow, you sat in your throne, dictating anger, insults and shame.Drinking yourself into that dark hole you seemed to find so comforting.
Instead of a man I could look up to, I looked away. I hid in fear. I was ashamed. Lost.
I am the little girl that never knew what it was really like to have a father.
Because of your selfishness and hate you carried you lashed out at me, even though I was not to blame for your hurts. You hurt me over and over, battering my mind, to make yourself feel better.
You are the first human soul that taught me how to hate.
For that … you are not and never will be, my father.
That’s not what a Daddy is. That’s not what a man is.
kaya
on Jun 22nd, 2009
@ 23:48:
Wow. Powerful stuff.
.-= kaya´s last blog ..Tut =-.
remittance girl
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 00:28:
You have no idea how much that hit home for me.
vanimp
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 01:20:
Exorcising demons can be a freeing experience at times.
.-= vanimp´s last blog ..Purging the Demons =-.
ashton
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 01:47:
Awww! *huggles lots*
Lilly
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 02:22:
*bighugs*
selkie
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 06:15:
that was powerful imp and thankful that instead of succombing, this experience strengthened and honed you. That you had the courage to move on and to learn how NOT to parent is a tribute to you sweetheart.
Liras
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 09:42:
VnImp. What a powerful image you have painted. As that was very much unlike my own father and our times together, I cannot imagine your hurt. I am sorry for your suffering and glad you have found ways to banish that set of demons.
.-= Liras´s last blog ..Stunted =-.
Ang
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 09:57:
Not all things in our heads are erotic and happy go lucky. While there are things that can be sexy and fun about Daddy play, sometimes it’s necessary to purge the demons instead. And I’m glad you did. Thank you for sharing.
SweetSpiced
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 16:01:
Just feeling the urge to give you an extra big *hug*. It takes more than a biological act to be a father. Remember, I can help bury the bodies.
PapaTomLA
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 16:17:
Thank you for having the courage to share that with us – Wish I could just give you a big hug and hold you for a moment. One of my treasures is a beautiful plack from my oldest daughter – “Any man can be a father – it takes someone special to be a Dad” I’m so sorry you didn’t have that kind of opportunity.
vanimp
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 23:56:
@selkie, Amazingly even though I never wanted children I treasure what I have now and I cherish my little one everyday *smile* Thank you hunni that means alot x
vanimp
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 23:57:
@PapaTomLA, Hugs are always welcome x
vanimp
on Jun 23rd, 2009
@ 23:58:
It wasn’t written for any other reason than to purge, I have a belief we all experience life for different reasons and we grow from experiences to share and teach each other. Thank you for the kind words, they were appreciated x
doubleknot
on Jun 24th, 2009
@ 04:17:
Wow. Makes ya wonder what his childhood was like.
*Hugggggs*
.-= doubleknot´s last blog ..Take a Slave to Work Day! (Or.. getting divorced is like cooking a good sauce…) =-.
vanimp
on Jun 24th, 2009
@ 12:18:
@doubleknot,His childhood … yea thats another story but it all comes down to choices too
moltenthought
on Jun 24th, 2009
@ 14:02:
I know some of this story but somethings just don’t ever totally go away. You do an amazing job of moving past this every time. Love and huggles!
rafi
on Jun 25th, 2009
@ 12:53:
Well done. I tried to write on Sunday but was unable.