I’m wondering …

socks …

or no socks  in bed?

which do you prefer?

snark snark snark snarkit snark snark snark

ur doin it wrong

oh rly?

how about a beeg spoonful of stfu?

Hrmpfff

I feel much better naow

*grin*

I’m in an odd but content mood today. It’s PMS week, the damn thing is late but then I am not surprised as when my body is under a bit of stress as it has been the last three or so weeks my cycle gets disrupted. Any large amount of stress fucks it up, something I am quite used to these days. Right now I have boobies that are screaming DON’T TOUCH. I poke them all the same. I’m fucked up like that. Molten gave me a damn good massage last night and surprisingly I am feeling good today bodywise. Normally I walk around like a zombie the next day, and during it hurts like a motherfucker. Both Molten and Velvet have been attacking my back which has always been a wall of steel and its melting, slowly but surely. It’s nice to walk around without aches and pains. I carry stress in my back muscles well. I am grateful they can do this for me. Help me unwind and relax.

The ex rang tonight. He’s depositing money into my son’s bank account for his uniforms. I thanked him. Then we talked. He’s highly pissed off now and I do feel for him. No matter what has happened between us we have managed to get past most of it and our son is our priority. It’s difficult because he doesn’t live in the same country. I try and make things easier for both he and I as much as I am able. He told me tonight that his parents had flown over for the weekend and had given him no warning of doing so, just a phonecall the night before telling him they would need to be picked up at the airport. It’s a 2 hour flight. He’s pissed off because if he’d been given some form of notice he wanted to be able to organise his parents to bring the little one to see him. $89 for a return flight which the ex would not hesitate to pay, two days of getting to spend time with his Dad. He was prepared to pay for it and have his parents bring him over and bring him home to me again two days later. And he knows I am okay with that arrangement completely.

The little one misses his Dad, I get the emotional storms, the tears, the confusion as to why his Daddy doesn’t want to see him anymore. It’s so damn hard sometimes because he’s young and he hasn’t fully grasped the concept of what it takes for a visit to happen. By the end of the conversation I was pissed off too, not at him but his asshat parents who have always interfered, made assumptions and tried to have some form of control in both our parenting. Sometimes I really do not like them at all. I am sad that they couldn’t see how much this hurt him and how sad I am for my son. I just don’t get how they can be so damn cold hearted. They know I want the ex involved as much as possible in the little one’s life. In a sense I also know how they do things. They want him home in NZ, they are angry at him for cheating and subsequently me leaving him. They punish him in every way possible. What they forget is there is a little guy in the middle of this. Grrrr.

Fuckers.

If I didn’t have this damn dentist bill looming over my head I would put aside money and go get on a plane and take the little one myself.

On a good note my best mate emailed me tonight and after giving me shit for being a complete hermit (she’s quite used to it) she wants to come up for the weekend and spend some time hanging out. I miss her and I know she’s craving my company so plans are underway along with details for a visit in a few days. Fingers crossed it all pans out.

As for work, ugh. It’s been a difficult few months trying to get decent work in and it’s left me in a very non creative, uninspired mood. Kinda like a freekin downward spiral. I need a good poke from the creativity stick up my ass atm. Tis just not happening. Writing has been a release in some ways but it doesn’t pay the money. Not right now anyways. I needz me a new job. Gah.

In the darkness there is light
In the light there is darkness
In finding darkness
You find light
One without the other
Cannot exist
To embrace both
is balance

Books that will induce a mindfuck