I’m home, a wee bit tired still after 10 hours worth of travelling and a very long Sunday. I have slept 14 hours in the past day and it was badly needed, my little one fell sleep at 4pm yesterday and slept till 6.30am this morning. Today is just taking it easy and relaxing inbetween getting a few little things done.

I had tears welling up alot on Sunday watching my brother marry his love of his life. He looked so handsome and she looked absolutely stunning. My sister blubbed out of pure happiness for most of the day and my mother gained a new daughter, one who openly told her at the reception infront of a room full of people how proud she was to have someone she wanted to call her mum. I hugged my brother later that night and told him how proud I was of him. I hugged my sister and told her how proud I was of her. I reassured my mother how amazing she was. I watched my two nieces and my son playing together and reminded myself why I came back from Australia, home to family. I welcomed my new sister to our family.

I sat back for alot of the night, almost disengaged from all the goings on around me, watching my family and realising how much I have missed. I have sacrificed my time with family to keep a hold on my sanity away from my father’s manic depression, his emotional abuse, his anger. He didn’t come to the wedding, instead having a breakdown at home over the guilt of not attending. It was his choice. I reassured family that his decisions did create upset but they were his to own and not something that should overshadow the day. I don’t understand as a parent myself why you would not want to be at your own son’s wedding, but I am not him, I don’t have his problems, and ultimately it is his life and his choices. I did however feel for my brother.

For the whole weekend we smiled, we laughed, we shared stories and it was amazing. However it was also overshadowed by a bitter aunt who couldn’t help but criticise, put-down and berate my sister, mother and I and eventually she was rewarded with silence from all of us. I wasn’t angry, just fed up that at an event where there should be happiness there had to be one that couldn’t just be happy for everyone, enjoy it for what it was. I listened to her berate my choices in educating my son, my decisions to live my way, putting down my pagan beliefs. Scoffing my dress sense, calling me a goth. All these self imposed boxes and if you don’t fit them there must be something wrong with you. The whole time I sat there listening I smiled. I smiled in pity for all the wonderful things in life she will never understand. Her heart is cold and closed. Her nastiness comes from insecurities and jealousies self imposed by her life choices. She is the true epitome of “money does not bring you happiness”. She had silence from me after my mother nicely told me to keep my muzzle on (usually I am quite blunt and pointedly so with relatives that don’t know how to be polite and quit being fucking judgemental) .. so I muzzled myself into complete silence.

The place we stayed was amazing, it reminded me of a place I used to live and one I would love to go back to and enjoy that wonderful space. I spent alot of time wandering along the beach, lots of stolen short moments of solitude and I wish I could have stayed longer. There wasn’t much time for relaxation, alot going on and by the end of  Sunday I was shattered but stayed up to finally get some one on one time and a good heart to heart with my little brother. Much needed and much appreciated. All up I had about 10 hours sleep over the whole weekend, strange bed, people sharing the room and unfamiliar noise meant my sleep was disrupted majorlly.

The whole time I was there it kept hitting me. Watching all these couples, all these preconcieved ideas that marriage is the only option, everyone who was single was on the hunt for a partner, a mate. I felt almost alien. It didn’t feel right to me, the marriage was lovely but it reminded me what I am not. I felt like I didn’t belong there, that this way of life is foreign. I thought back to where I was four years ago and how unhappy I was, how restricted I felt. I was bombarded with questions about my life now, only two close family members know about the poly aspect the rest would be too horrified and just too tunnel minded to even accept let alone try to understand my choices regarding relationships. So I casually replied I was staying with close friends. No I am not seeing anyone (hehe nawt explaining that) , yes I am happy. No I am not sad I am not married … sheesh. Yes the ex is fine, no I am not getting together with him, yes he got married two weeks ago, yes I am actually happy for him lol.

In a sense it’s sad, it hurts to know that part of my life will be shielded, simply because those who are family will not accept my life as it is, see that I am happy with who I am. That all these preconcieved ideas that society has brainwashed people into thinking that these are the “only” choices. That to be happy you must settle down with one person, that you should get married, buy a house and have babies. Ugh. The twoo vanilla life of perfectedness. It is almost strange to me that I am looked upon as the “different” one in my family, that I don’t do things normally. To me it is normal for “me”. It’s who I am. Hell I don’t knock marriage and the monogamous relationship, if it works for two people then that is fucking amazing, just don’t judge me for my choices in life.

The best part of the weekend was seeing no matter how much time my immediate family is apart the amount of love we have for each other is as strong as ever. That I am proud of my family. We might be the most dysfunctional family out there but hell we have alot of love to give. What you see is what you get. I love that.

This is the view infront of the church my brother got married in, absolutely stunning place

Waves crash along the shoreline, seagulls break the stillness, cawing and diving into the sea. It’s dawn.

A hoodie wraps itself over her head, she peers out from behind her dark sunglasses as she ambles along the beach, feet being enveloped in cold sea water. Time passes along with thoughts of good things. She smiles at the thought of the people she has in her life and how special they have become to her and how much she wishes they were with her right now.

Silence, no traffic, no people just her and the beach and the sun beginning to rise. She’s still sleepy but the opportunity for a morning walk and musing is too appealing. She walks a bit more and settles herself on the soft sand lying in the morning sun. She remembers back when morning beach walks were common, her little black shadow running up the beach and chasing seagulls, her happy teeth grin and the ragged panting from her early morning mad runs. The good memories, her little familiar sharing those quiet moments.

She smiles. This is home to her, beside the sea, a remote place, quiet. She sighs as she looks at the time. It’s a long day ahead full of tears, laughter and love.

The sea and the hills beckon, her body willing her to stay. Her mind steels itself for the day ahead, if only she muses, if only I could stay…

Well gee I am thinking the dress has passed inspection according to the comments on HNT *grins*. Molten, Velvet and I spent the night laxing out watching Tim Minchin ditties on youtube and drinking wine and various misbehaviour including bloody tickling me  till I couldn’t breathe. Heh and touching me damn feet! Do nawt touch the feet I won’t be held responsible for biting Velvet has nice leg hairs to pull and Molten is quite pokable *snigger* Now I have to work out how to hide a bite mark on my arm Big Kitty left behind last night hehe. If I wasn’t so short “walking into a door knob” may have worked as an excuse, my family are all aware how accident prone I am heh.

I thought I would share with you a few pics of the place I am headed first thing in the morning and then go finish my packing (ugh).

The place is called Mangonui (get ya tongue round that one hehe).

This is the view from the top of the local pa - A pa is a fortified place built by Maori. In the past, they were built as refuge from attack during times of war

A little bit of history to enlighten your brain …

Many iwi (tribes) trace their ancestry back to the famous explorer Kupe, the great Polynesian navigator, who made his first landing near Taipa in A.D. 950. Archaeological studies have revealed some of the earliest Maori settlements in this area.In 1769, Capt. James Cook sailed past the entrance to the area and recorded in his journal “doubtless a bay”, hence the name.

Not long after, European traders, whalers, sealers and missionaries arrived here and Mangonui became a thriving port providing supplies, repairs and R & R for the many ships and their crews. Kauri trees grew in abundance and their trunks were sought-after for their length and diameter to serve as spars and masts.In 1840, the Treaty of Waitangi was signed between the British Resident and representative Maori and the New Zealand nation was formed. Many settlers began arriving in the new nation, working the kauri timber and gum fields and farming sheep and cattle.

The town also boasts some very quaint historic buildings which will be amazing to go and check out. It’s brings the whole steampunk fetish of mine to the fore. I love the old buildings we have here. Once of the places I would love to visit is Butler House. Captain William Butler was a retired whaling ship captain who became a successful merchant in northern New Zealand. In 1838 Butler purchased land that formed the nucleus of what is today Butler Point. In 1847 Butler constructed a homestead, the front portion of which he transported by sea from property he owned on the opposite shore of Mangonui Harbour. This homestead has come to be called Butler House.

1850's homestead "Butler House"

And close by is a popular tourist spot for overseas visitors, Cape Reinga. Everyone who comes to NZ and gets to visit this place always loves this spot. Amazing views and well my favourite places here are normally, wild, windy obscure beach spots. Brings you right back to nature.

And I love the signpost they have here

So yea time to bugger off and get the camera charged because I am gonna go click happy. And finish my horrid packing. Who knows I may get time to do an HNT for next week

Impy likes to be a bit of a tomboy that’s no secret. She lives in jeans and t-shirts in Winter and in summer it’s generally shorts and skimpy tops when the mood arises. My mother is squeeing with delight that I have found a dress to wear for the wedding. Let alone the fact its a dress I like and want to wear.I am sorting what I need while I am away and thought a proper practice run with my outfit was needed to make sure I am comfortable on the day. So I am sharing the squeeness cause there’s a few people I bet are smug I am actually wearing a frigging dress.

Dress … check

Hehe fishnets … check.

I can just see the looks on some of my relatives faces if I need to lift my dress up for any reason (we’ll be on the beach at some point) … My boobies have shrunk to a D cup which means I now can buy sexy bras again woooo and don’t have to pay through the nose to find sexy ones for big kahoonas.and underneath it all my new aquisition
(clicky)

Little cub whilst on the loo tonight …

“Did you know mummy there are ten poo’s in your brainhead”

“Aaaannd there are three poo’s in your butt”

*grins*

Mummy … ” you have a fantastical imagination hunni”