I got bullied, picked on, I was pretty much a loner at school, as the years went on I wagged alot, I hid in the library at lunchtimes. I got called disgusting names. What most didn’t know was I came to school as an escape from the abusive crap at home. It was suppossed to be a sanctuary, a place I could be safe. But it wasn’t. Stepping out that door every day and having the choice to go wasn’t a choice. Both places had assholes to deal with. If you have ever been a bully shame on you. It has far reaching effects. My son is about to start school. I worry he will be the victim of bullying. Today stand up to the bullies, say no to bullying. It’s wrong, it has to stop.Today it stops here.

When I write I try to write from the heart and mind, mine. I don’t expect every single person who reads my ramblings to agree with what I write because I simply don’t care if they do or not. I don’t write to placate someone else’s views. What I love are those that write this way also. They write because they have something to say. It doesn’t matter if some disagree, they are entitled to their opinions it’s what discussion is all about and in a sense that’s what comments are for on blogs. If you didn’t want comments then there’s an easy way to stop them … turn them off. What I don’t get is when someone writes and wants comments and then gets pissy over what is said. I have happened across a few blogs of late and sat there chuckling at the shit being flung backwards and forwards. It’s ridiculous really. But all the same a small form of amusement for maybe a brief second or two.

It’s alot worse on Fetlife. My god some days I sit there in disbelief at some of the crap that flies there. Apparently you are not allowed an opinion. Well yes you are, but be prepared to have the hounds of snark on your ass if they don’t like what you have to say. I like to read and sometimes the urge to join a group just to simply put an idea forward tempts me but then I change my mind, I’ll stick to the group I run and reading, it’s easier that way. I get passionate about some things.

Today I happened across a discussion as to whether or not someone has the right to call themselves a slave or a master if they are not in a D/s relationship, unowned. Seriously … really? Since when is it anyone else’s decision to actually decide what you can and can’t think. The art of discussion there is always riddled with emotion. And most of the time it tends to stray away from the actual question asked.

It got me thinking, do I have the right to call myself submissive when I am not actually in a serious D/s situation. My answer for me, yes but it doesn’t mean along with that word that I am going to act a certain way in normal situations or in a social situation, I act like “me”. It means simply I understand what I need in a relationship to function at my best in a D/s situation. That’s it really and it saves alot of time replying to fucktards who are looking for a Mistress LOL. It doesn’t mean however that I am some meek woman who needs a label to exist. It’s also not something I choose to show or share unless I choose to.

Slave, submissive, fecking monkey it doesn’t bloody matter, what matters is only what you feel, I wonder sometimes why those questions are asked. Do they need validation as to who they are? I don’t need to explain it to anyone all I need to do is acknowledge deep feelings and latent parts of myself that sometimes come to the fore in a chosen situation and that is mine to own, no one else’s. Not one person is the same and it’s how I feel about this whole labelling bollocks. It’s just a word that loosely encompasses something that is much, much bigger but cannot be seen only felt. And not one person can feel the same as another in that sense. Only you know who you are.

It’s utter bullshit this habit of some people to try and fit other into their views on the world and how someone should think like them just because they said so.

I respect the fact that people have opinions, hell there’s nothing wrong with that and you know, mine probably ain’t that great at times either. It’s okay to be an individual and stand up for what you believe in but being an adult about it and sometimes being humble are a good thing too. Admitting our fuck ups is the greatest lesson, and forgiveness is another too. No one is perfect and not one person has all the answers. It’s called being hooman

The embers glowed with an essence of their own. Nightfall descending and spreading it’s lithe finger’s across the sky casually masking out the sun. The faint glimmer of a full moon settling in. The waterside with it’s eerie calm, darkness creating a depth of unknown. She casually bends forward and picks up a handful of wet sand and lays it’s cool blanket over the fresh red welts on her thighs. She sighs as it relieves the heat emanating from beneath her skin and smiles. She glances over to the sculptured torso laid down upon the comfortable rug she is sat upon and feels a twitching in her cunt as she remembers the hour just been. “A coffee Sir?”, her voice husky, still coming back down to earth after her ordeal. Reminders on her body of the rope, the cane and the scrapings and grazes from the bark of the tree that stands behind them. He smiles and admires her naked skin glowing from the fire, “That would be lovely pet”. She remembers why she loves camping so much as she listens to the silence around them. The only noise, the flickering of the fire and the familiar clunking of the billy tin.

Apart from brain still being mush I’ll attempt to write about the weekend. We went to the munch on Saturday afternoon and caught up with a few people, it’s so cool to be able to go to regular events up here now without all the major weekend travelling and I get to spend decent quality time with people who are important to me now. Hehe Curvaceous Dee had a wee play with an e-stim product and it was quite amusing to watch her twitch. She had a nice view of cleavage all lined up across the table. Her little ropeman came along for the visit and ended up nested in a few cleavages including mine and ended up being twittered hehe.

An early exit was made and off to Velvet’s for a relaxing spa. Then getting ready for the fetish ball. I went in my elfish dress which barely covers my ass and a nice pair of fishnets and boots and Molten wore her cute little leather harness with little left for the imagination hehe. Velvet got to walk in with one sexy girl on each arm. And no we were slack and didn’t do any photos but there’s always a next time!

The club it was held at is a sex/swingers club and very well set up with plenty of space, a spa room and a shower area and two other rooms with beds as well as a huge space with plenty of dark corners, couches and a sybian hehe which I got to watch a couple people experiment with. We had an awesome turnout of people from the local kink group and it was great to see everyone wearing some damn hawt fetish gear. Corsets, pvc, and lots of kink gear. I sated my voyeristic tendencies quite well that night and got to be toppy with Molten and the e-stim hehe. For a first time out in an environment that was a little foreign to me I was very relaxed and had a brilliant time. Even the swingers that were there were respectful of space and I think we all peaked a few curiosities as far as play. It was bloody hot up there and lots of ice came out at one point with everyone using it to cool down including me, Molten decided I needed some in my stocking and bloody bra hehe. And it looks like the fetish ball may become a bi monthly event! I think we got back sometime after 1am and I did drop a little, slept pretty well but in bits and then Molten attacked both Velvet and I with her amazing massage fingers  the following morning and by the end of it she had left both Velvet and I walking round like space cadets on Sunday afternoon.

Tomorrow after I get paid for a job a hitachi gets ordered (yaaaay). One of the members down South has just set up an online shop and we can finally order a hitachi at a decent price here in NZ. They are not as easy to source here, unless you want to pay a ridiculous amount of money so it’s great we have someone who has found an affordable solution. So woop new toy coming and I think I might just be a little greedy with it *insert brat grin*.

My best friend sent me a text late last night and got me a little worried so I rang her straight away and was greeted with tears and crying and “I miss you”  … it made my heart melt, I miss her too, we have been best friends for the past 17 years and always had each other to lean on when we needed. When I went to Australia she found it really hard and she was the one that gave me a roof over my head when I had nothing on my return after my split with the little ones Dad. We have both been through hell and back together and she means the world to me. She wants to come for a visit at some point which will be awesome.

On the house hunting front looks like we may have found a decent house to fit the Fluffy Clan and trying to sort it now, hopefully (fingers crossed) we get it as it’s in an ideal location (watch this space). Things are slowly coming together and we are all smiling.  Life is good