This past week has been fantastic, so fantastic trying to put it into words is difficult, I’m not in my normal environment so getting into writing mode has been a little of a learning curve to adjust to different nuances, I am a stickler for routines at the best of times. I haven’t been sleeping that well but different sleeping space and being on holiday I expected that but it does leave me a little drained. I cope and I bounce and the energy coming from this wee dynamic developing between Molten and Velvet and I is fuelling my soul literally.
For years I put myself in positions of people pleasing, almost chameleon like, trying to be for others what they needed rather than nurturing my nature and self. This dynamic that is emerging is nothing like that, I can be comfortable in my own skin, I don’t feel the need to hide any part of myself, that self-preservation mode that tends to kick in to protect myself, is just non existent. I love the way our minds are interacting on a higher level, much higher than I am generally used to as far as interacting with people in general. It’s inspiring and bringing me to a place of feeling content, knowing that I am in the right place and following a path I have been wanting for a long time. It’s almost as if this past year of trials and hardship has finally bought me to a point where it’s now my time to be happy again.
The whole poly thing is new territory for me but at the same time it feels normal. Does that make sense? I am exploring my own boundaries and limits and slowly internalizing thoughts. I have had a deeper insight to the relationships already exisiting, some areas are tentative as far as being solid but with all things I remind myself everything is fluid, change is imminent in some aspects and as long as it is healthy change with positive intent, things will work well. On a communicative level Molten and Velvet are everything I love, it’s really refreshing to be able to be open and honest and be myself without this silly fear I tend to carry of closing myself off. I have always found it difficult to be completely intimate with someone, always a part of me that remains hidden, my shadow self or the wolf. This sense of family, a family I have chosen, not one I am forced to have to contend with makes all the difference, and this time I am wanting to give back.
I have been a little self disciplined as far as letting walls completely down and pushing things further at this point as I have to go home again and focus on other things and to prepare for moving up North. It’s not easy, one side of me wants more, the practical side is telling me to wait. The image of two little people on my shoulders, one telling me to throw caution to the wind and do what I want, the other telling me to be patient and wait.
Tonight I get to spend the New Year’s Eve with two very special people and I can’t think of a better way to see the New Year in, I have a feeling this year is going to be alot better than this one been and I am smiling inside. I am wandering into new territory, the little cub starts school, my time will change, I will have alot more time for me again and it’s exciting. I even mentioned to Molten the other night that I would like to do some form of study again, the last two times I tried they were both interrupted by circumstances, maybe I’ll pick up on the natural healing again, there are pagan aspects I want to nourish too, and my curiosity for knowledge is always present and never sated for long. Everything is slowly forming a very solid foundation with alot of promise. My heart is warm again and finally allowing a little light back into my life.
Oh and Mister Velvet .. I had one this morning hehe 
… and I’ll prolly have another later … ciggie that is … *grins*
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