I am slowly catching up with people after being away the next two days for me are rather full on with a few things and next week I am looking after my best friends kids while she goes on a relaxing holiday to Rarotonga … hehe I told her she’s a bitch and I’m jealous but I loves her anyways. And she better bring me back chocolate if I haven’t gone mad by then.

I happened to read a fellow bloggie friends blog this morning and it made me smile because she’s kinda questioning her submissive’ness and I do sometimes too. It happens, I think it’s a natural process to do so at times especially when one talks to other sub’s and reads other blogs sometimes it does make you question things. The point being … we are all different and as submissives/slaves we all approach D/s differently.And learning to become self aware and processing things is very much a big part of it.

For some it’s a physical process moreso than a mental process, for me it’s definately a process that starts in mind, the physical is a bonus and fun . I over think and over analyze everything and sometimes like her I sometimes wonder if I am submissive but deep down there are facets that are and I know it. Outwardly most don’t see it, mainly because I keep it well hidden. It’s a part of me that is very internal and only comes out in the right circumstances.And I know how deep it can go because I have been there before. I miss that place. I thrive in that space.

Day to day life I am anything but submissive. I run a business, I manage and organise various things and in a sense I suppose I am a service Domme, I will happily step into a role where I need to take charge, supervise, organise and manage people. I do it quite easily but it does absolutely nothing for me. I’m crap at organising and looking after myself and sometimes I think a little micro management would be a good thing lol. I have always had jobs where there have been high stress levels, deadlines and major organisational skills required. I need the release when I am not in those places and that’s where the subbie mode kicks in. I want the control taken from me. It balances me. It gives me time to nurture a part of myself that needs a little nudge.

Finding the right dominant is not easy and when you start to be a little self aware of the things that make you tick I suppose you start to get a little picky. She’s a subbie through and through and she’s also a very intelligent woman and there are facets to her personality that may make her think shes not subbie but we both know she is … just like I know I am. We both are plodding along this journey and learning along the way and hell if we are picky and not going to settle for second best then so be it …. I know she and I will find what we need … we are just taking our time and personally I think it’s the best way to be. So my dear, yes you are submissive … you just need the right man to bring it out in you and I can’t wait till the day it happens xxx

And on that note I am off out the door to a meeting to organise more people ugh ….