I am slowly catching up with people after being away the next two days for me are rather full on with a few things and next week I am looking after my best friends kids while she goes on a relaxing holiday to Rarotonga … hehe I told her she’s a bitch and I’m jealous but I loves her anyways. And she better bring me back chocolate if I haven’t gone mad by then.

I happened to read a fellow bloggie friends blog this morning and it made me smile because she’s kinda questioning her submissive’ness and I do sometimes too. It happens, I think it’s a natural process to do so at times especially when one talks to other sub’s and reads other blogs sometimes it does make you question things. The point being … we are all different and as submissives/slaves we all approach D/s differently.And learning to become self aware and processing things is very much a big part of it.

For some it’s a physical process moreso than a mental process, for me it’s definately a process that starts in mind, the physical is a bonus and fun . I over think and over analyze everything and sometimes like her I sometimes wonder if I am submissive but deep down there are facets that are and I know it. Outwardly most don’t see it, mainly because I keep it well hidden. It’s a part of me that is very internal and only comes out in the right circumstances.And I know how deep it can go because I have been there before. I miss that place. I thrive in that space.

Day to day life I am anything but submissive. I run a business, I manage and organise various things and in a sense I suppose I am a service Domme, I will happily step into a role where I need to take charge, supervise, organise and manage people. I do it quite easily but it does absolutely nothing for me. I’m crap at organising and looking after myself and sometimes I think a little micro management would be a good thing lol. I have always had jobs where there have been high stress levels, deadlines and major organisational skills required. I need the release when I am not in those places and that’s where the subbie mode kicks in. I want the control taken from me. It balances me. It gives me time to nurture a part of myself that needs a little nudge.

Finding the right dominant is not easy and when you start to be a little self aware of the things that make you tick I suppose you start to get a little picky. She’s a subbie through and through and she’s also a very intelligent woman and there are facets to her personality that may make her think shes not subbie but we both know she is … just like I know I am. We both are plodding along this journey and learning along the way and hell if we are picky and not going to settle for second best then so be it …. I know she and I will find what we need … we are just taking our time and personally I think it’s the best way to be. So my dear, yes you are submissive … you just need the right man to bring it out in you and I can’t wait till the day it happens xxx

And on that note I am off out the door to a meeting to organise more people ugh ….

Well I’m back, my brain isn’t quite there yet though lol so it’s a quick post for now until I have had some sleep and some downtime just recouping my brain. It was a helluva wonderful weekend and has only re-enforced the path I am following is the right one for me and I am happy. I have had this amazing pleasure of finally finding somewhere I “fit”. Plans are slowly coming together for me moving back up North early next year and all I have to do now is plod through this next three months until I move.

I am now the “wolf in fluffy clothing” hehe, we all adopted the Fluffy family names this weekend and of course they are all a bunch of kitties and well little black wolfie has just made herself comfy and quite enjoys hanging out with the fluffy lot. Who said pup’s can’t get along with kitties eh

I have realised that the poly path is one that suits me perfectly, it is what I need and an environment that I am thriving in mentally and emotionally. The whole family aspect is a huge importance for me with plenty of love to go around and watching the little one interact in a family environment has bought a smile to my heart. It’s what I need at this point in my life and I feel like I have evolved massively in terms of self-knowledge and growth. I still have a very long way to go with plenty of learning curves but the levels of communication that I need are there and to just take my time and let things naturally evolve.

I have another post to write but I will be password protecting it as it’s not something I want to be public on the blog and it’s moreso alot of processing previous stuff that I have got to a point I am feeling the need to write out. So yea if you have the password from me cool, it means I trust you, if you don’t it means either I don’t or you haven’t asked . The password protected posts aren’t going to be a common thing here but there will be times it’s needed.

I’m off to go unpack, sort some work out and catch up with a few online friends later on. I haz a heap of blog posts to catch up on lol. I am sat here smiling and content with where things are at right now in my life and grateful for meeting the beautiful people who have only enhanced my life moreso right now. I feel grounded and connected and it was a weekend needed, I was getting major fluffy withdrawls hehe. A tribe of hearts for sure. x