“We have begun this journey as Owner and pet as I had told Herne I didn’t want to start off as a relationship without that dynamic, I knew I would find it too difficult to just have a nilla relationship and then build a D/s relationship on top of it.”

Mina asked if I would expand on this in a comment on a previous post and when I started to write I realised there was more than just a comment’s worth so my dear I shall comment further in a post.

Herne and I covered alot of ground in chat’s and conversations before we embarked on this journey, a hell of alot relating to the D/s aspect. I am a very strong minded person and quite stubborn, okay maybe alot stubborn hehe. I know what my previous relationships resulted in and it was something I was never happy with but it seemed to be a pattern and a pattern that left me feeling very unhappy everytime. I am a control freak and generally dominant in every day life. I probably come across as quite “domly” to people who know me in a vanilla sense and I can be. I will take control if allowed but it does absolutely notyhing for me.

In past relationships I took the control because they allowed me to and in the process I got very wired and shitty alot because I couldn’t find the release I so badly needed and I couldn’t communicate that need. I didn’t really know what the hell was wrong. Eventually those relationships broke down because I was unhappy, the intimacy disappeared and at the time I really had no idea why things happened the way they did.

When I started exploring the D/s dynamic within a long distance relationship something inside of me sparked. I became more grounded, calmer because he took that control away, through discipline, and micro managing me. I thrived although something was still lacking which ultimately his presence and the physical aspect I craved. I started to realise what worked for me and what I needed.

If Herne and I had started as a vanilla aspect without the D/s as a part of it,  I know and I explained to Herne that the control aspect would have come to the fore, and I would have had a major internal struggle submitting to him because the basis would have been wrong for me. He understands and sees that and just as it is my nature to need to be submissive to him it is in his nature to need to have the dominance. We would both be unhappy without it. The glint in his eye tells me alot lol.

I need and crave the relase of submitting, my daily life is very challeneging, being a mother, working and running a business, the last thing I want is to control a relationship and be the decision maker and the one who manages everything, it drains me, it leaves me feeling exhausted. I need Herne to be able to take control and say no. I need and want that “man” to dominate me. And when he does I am calmer and more peaceful within myself, it flows out into everyday life and I thrive as a person. I am still me in essence, he just brings out the better part of me by being who he is.

For me D/s is altruisitc for both of us, he takes care of me as I do him, a want to do things for each other without  expectations, a natural process where we both get what we need through submission and dominance. It is who we are.