As promised I said I would write an article on sub drop as it seems to be a hard topic to source on the internet and also is such an important aspect when one is involved in BDSM. This page will be permanently linked on The Wolf’s Den page of the blog for easy reference.
Before covering actual sub drop we need to look at the chemical goings on in the body and how these chemicals affect us. You often hear a term called “subspace” mentioned. It is also what one calls an “endorphin rush”. In a play scene this rush can have an effect on the body in very unique ways, some recognise this very easily, some don’t even notice.
Subspace” is a form of trance. Trance in its essence is a state of being, different from your “normal” state of being. During trance your mind excludes most of its input and concentrates on just one or only very few impulses, completely disregarding all others. There are many ways in which a trance can be induced. Prolonged dancing for example, or hunger, prolonged physical activity. Hypothermia, recreational drugs, high fever, lack of nutrition, dehydration and BDSM-activity all can induce trance. Someone “in subspace” is easy to recognise from the outside. They are no longer able to drive a car, or even a bike. They seem silent, absentminded, slow responding, uninterested. In other words “not really here”. That again is not the same as the warm, glowy, dreamy feeling after an orgasm. Somebody “in subspace” is “not on this planet”, so to speak.
Stress & pain are the two common factors that lead to the release of endorphins in the body. Endorphins act in a similar way to morphine or codine, if you have ever dabbled with mind altering drugs you may understand how the body reacts. Same concept in some ways. The release of endorphins gives one an elated feeling which can last up to 12 hours for some people. Some describe it as a spaced out feeling, euphoria, along with a suppressed appetite, and a release of sex hormones.
It varies among individuals and no two people will experience the same levels of endorphins, for some alot of pain/stress is needed, for others very little. Certain foods such as chocolate and chilli, acupuncture, massage therapy, sex and meditation can release varying levels of endorphins into the body.
Then we have dopamine, this lovely chemical comes along and floods the brain in either a response to endorphins and/or orgasm. The euphoric feeling from dopamine drops off as the dopamine levels drop and the body then responds with prolactin. Okay still with me?
Prolactin surges in the body immediately after orgasm in men and women, some refer to this as the “roll over and sleep” phase, in women this can takes up to several days to take effect. Dopamine and prolactin can profoundly affect our moods and behaviour. Prolactin appears to be a stress hormone which is associated with depression and alienation. As well as this, cortisol levels gradually begin to increase and this hormone is also associated with depression. So basically what you have is a nice cocktail of brain chemicals & hormones running amok which leads me to the topic of sub drop ….
SUB DROP
Sub drop is probably best described as a state of depression and moodiness, which can occur either after a good scene or if the sub is away from their dominant for an extended period of time. Sub drop is also a very subjective and personal experience. Aftercare is often spoken about directly after a scene but it isn’t something that should only be done at that point in time, a dominant will need to follow up with aftercare sometimes for up to several days.
Sub drop can be described as “decompression” after a scene and coming back down to reality. The sub may be emotionally fragile, teary and needy. Or the sub may withdraw. It can take up to 3 days for any drop to be noticeable, usually it hits within the first 48 hours and it can affect new and seasoned subs. Everyone is different. Our subconscious doesn’t understand consensuality. The sub may need to take some time to process what has occured within a scene both physically and mentally. It is often described as a feeling like being “hit by a truck”. It can happen quickly and even more so if before their menstrual cycle, PMS can turn your sub into the spawn of Satan lol.
It is very real and a number of submissives/slaves I talk to don’t even realise until after it’s over what the hell was going on with their bodies and minds. You can feel everything from elation to despair, anxiety attacks, feelings of loss, indescribable sadness, crying for no apparent reason, lethargy, insomnia, total panic, extreme emotional numbness, rage, dizzy spells, irrational fears, manic energy, the desire to isolate, the thought of leaving the scene, or the partner, loss of appetite….
Some subs need to be held, and reassured it’s okay, that they are loved and needed. Because the dopamine and endorphins are similar to a drug high you are basically “coming down” or going cold turkey as your body regains normal levels.
Some subs don’t need aftercare, yes that’s right. Some do. No one person will know until they experience it themselves after a play session, how your body reacts emotionally and physically. Some experiences of subdrop can be quite blissful and not at all adverse yet if these body chemicals drop too fast they can leave you in a similar state to shock: subdrop. Alot refer to it as similar to PMT symptoms, the most common experiences being anxiety, irrational fears, feeling dreadfully alone and abandoned. it is quite common for a sub to mentally and physically punish themselves during this bottoming out period.
She may push the dominant away, withdrawing. Even creating situations where she will inflame, anger her dominant so the dominant will react negatively in turn making her feel like she is validating her state of mind. This is where aftercare is so very important.
There is a wealth of information on aftercare, nutrition and emotional wellbeing that are important aspects of after & before play. Below is an excerpt from Mistress160 which covers the very basics of what aftercare is about.
Because you will have chosen an experienced dominant who understands aftercare and “drop”, your Dom/me will spend time explaining these issues, and will check over all these things with you prior to play, as well as during the scene (cc’s “During care”). Your Dom/me will check you often, ask how you are feeling, whether you need water (or a sports drink to keep your electrolytes in balance), will monitor your hands and feet for cold, that your body has not gone limp in it’s restraints, etc. They will also expect you to let them know if something is wrong (a rope too tight, or whatever).
When play finishes, your Dom/me will devote the time you need for immediate post play aftercare needs – what Midori calls “common sense stuff. Other than specific first aid and possible medical information not much is needed to figure out [this part] … this is the phase that most people refer to as Aftercare“.
They will attend to practical things, like untying you, allowing you to visit the loo, attending to any injuries, etc. If you have told them you like physical contact as part of aftercare, they will wrap you up warmly and make sure you lie down for a while (if you feel like lying down), give you lots to drink and a little food, help you get dressed when you are ready. They’ll check full motor function has returned. They’ll also attend to your emotional needs, tell you how proud they are of you, ask how you are feeling, talk through the scene with you (if you want). If you are in a close relationship, they will hold you close, hold your hand -again: whatever you’d like them to do. If you’d prefer to avoid the touchy feeling stuff and curl up in a corner by yourself, that’s what they’ll go along with. All this is about basically helping you make the transition back to everyday life, so that you can walk out their door and get home safely.
They will also “check in” with you over the next few days, to make sure you are not experiencing any post scene blues, and to talk over the scene with you. After all, part of those post scene blues might not be “drop” – the emotions might simply be because you are worrying about something that happened in the scene. You might feel that you didn’t get what you wanted. Or even feel mistreated. In which case it’s best to talk things through and work out what went wrong, and how best you might communicate in future. You might find this is all you need to remove the last traces of feeling down.
Hopefully this article has shed a little light on what sub drop is. That for the long and short of it is the mental reason for sub drop… it has nothing to do with true depression, it has nothing to do with the submissive disliking or being mad with the Dominant, it has to do with chemicals, plain and simple… and it is every Dominant’s responsibility to realize that, and plan for it, and to help the submissive work through that period and support her/him. Below are a few links for you to have a gander at and hopefully enhance your understanding and help you deal with sub drop more effectively in the future.
I could have easily written a whole chapter on this topic as there’s so much to it but this is a general overview and the links below may give you a little more information. Well worth reading 10 ways to fight subdrop x
If there is a link you wish to add or have written anything pertaining to the topic of sub drop and would like to be linked please feel free to ask I would be happy to link anything of relevance that is helpful.
Sub Rebound
10 ways to fight Subdrop
Aftercare
Subdrop
lc from craving his touch kindly gave me two more links below…
Seekers.org
BDSM Wiki
Herne, Tristan and Dragonmage have happily offered their thoughts on Dom drop which is a topic I think should be written about so keep your eyes peeled for that as well.
Any correspondence can be sent to vanillaimpaired@gmail.com
… oh and I changed it a bit hehe
… I have a blue one instead
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