Meh
I feel lonely, I don’t why, I shouldn’t but I do. I miss passion in my life. I have forgotten what it’s like to be happy.I want to be happy. I am sick of bad shit happening. It’s like fate has the upper hand and has decided to make my life hell.
So much shit has happened over the last few months it’s had an effect. It’s drained me and it’s broken me and I don’t know how to fix it. These walls of mine are holding me in tight and I don’t know how to push them down. I am even a little worried that I might be dealing with depression and it’s understandable I have dealt with major life changes over the past year and a suicide. I get so busy dealing with everyone else and I push my feelings aside.
It’s a trait I have done since I can remember, it helps me cope. Since Jay and I parted I felt a little jumbled, a little lost. He didn’t micro-manage me, I’m a big girl lol but he grounded me, made things easier and pulled me up when I got to emotional about things. He encouraged me to be positive. Why can’t I do these things for myself?
I am just frustrated I suppose, impatient, sick of waiting for things to get better and the underlying expectation that everything will turn to shit again. Maybe I am broken beyond repair. Maybe I have been too battered emotionally. I feel like I have lost a part of myself and I don’t know how to get it back.
I feel needy and stupid that I am feeling like this, maybe it’s just hormones lol.
Bah, either way I’ll be fine, this thing is therapy for me, I get out the crap that’s in my head and I feel a little better for it.
Maybe I am just having a bad day.
- Author: impy
- Published: Aug 28th, 2008
- Nips & Bites: Comments Off
Gift or Not?
GIFT noun
1 : a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
2 : something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation
3 : the act, right, or power of giving
I like picking things apart. You quite often come across the phrase “the gift of submission”, a romanticised view in some sense of you … gifting the dominant your submission in whole.
Really … what is it?
In reality you are giving up power, you are giving in to your submission, giving in to yourself, your natural nature, so who’s really giving to who? Aren’t you really gifting yourself?
A dominant needs a space in which to nurture his desires, be they sadistic or sensual. By going into his space he is allowing himself to give that which he desires.
You are allowing yourself to be pliant, submissive, vunerable. It takes a great deal of strength to submit. A sub/slave is anything but weak.
Respect and trust must go two ways.
By allowing yourself to be vunerable you essentially find acceptance, for who you are, the dark desires, hidden thoughts, the dominant feeds your needs and desires as you do so his. It is intimate, it is passionate, it is primal. For both it is a need.
If it is indeed a gift “giving” submission then is it a tangible thing or something from the heart & mind ?
Should it be called a “gift” or should it be called a “dance” because one without the other, it is nothing.
Who give’s a rat’s butt what you call it really …
The whole point is to make your own path and do what works for you.
Your kink is yours and mine is mine …
- Author: impy
- Published: Aug 28th, 2008
- Nips & Bites: Comments Off
Idiot Proof
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