I spent last night reading late and had to suppress a huge amount of giggles reading the chapter “The politics of very Strange Bedfellows” in Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. Awesome book if you haven’t read it.

The book refers to “wannabes” submissive and dominant mainly regarding the downsides of the internet. Alot of people are anti labels, some are uncomfortable with the word “wannabe” but the reality is some of the definitions in the book are quite real.

I have had the pleasure of talking to some of these idiot types. Internet dating is a dangerous new game, the submissive needs to be on her toes. Even more so someone new to BDSM needs to be really careful, I have wasted alot of time answering emails etc but in the process I am learning so much. Talking to others who live the lifestyle and do have experience is something I quite happily recommend, go to munches, try and meet genuine people.

“Peter Pan”
These guys have lived so long in fantasyland, they need a passport to visit reality. They read, read, read porn, porn, porn.  Unfortunately they don’t know what is real and what is possible and what isn’t. These ones are the most dangerous if they ever try to play for real. Fortunately most of them are too scared to death of reality and keep it on the net.

I have come across these men, it becomes evident the more you talk to them, they also have a habit of trying to show you various porn sites with bondage themes, they forget that these are “staged” movies and not reality. Sure there’s some great kinky ideas there but they forget its a “movie” scenes can be edited, cut, and a five minute clip can in reality be a whole days shoot lol.They live the online lifestyle, seriously there is a point where the computer becomes boring LOL.

“The True Master/Mistress”
Too often one runs into a the dominant who says he wants total control of his sub at all times, together or apart.  This type of individual believes a submissive should live soley for the pleasure of her master. They also have a belief that “true” submissives should have no limits. Also dangerously so, he believes the submissive truly wants what she says she does not. The correct term for these types of individuals is simply “arsehole” or dangerous arseholes”.

I have had the mundane pleasure of dealing with this type directly and the red flags went up pretty much straight away, these types tend to “hone in” on the new submissive in the hope she isn’t “aware” enough and he can “teach” her his way before someone shows her differently. They also ridicule the reading of books, the community aspect, munches etc.

“Very Married But…”
These ones want to cheat on their partners, but lack the courage. So they live out their fantasies by having IM and phone chats, the frequently make promises they cannot or will not keep. Eventually some do play for real and make the whole situation worse, they normally forget to mention they are married and forget to tell their partners they are playing around. Fav sex toy: the telephone. This is not just BDSM related, normal vanilla guys do it too lol. In saying this I have very good friends who are in some of these situations but for their personal reasons sometimes it works out okay, this is not intended as a dig at anyone. I also have friends in poly realtionships and everything is above board, there IS a difference in how honestly people approach this situation.

“The Macho-Man”
These are unreconstructed male chauvanist piglets who sonfuse submissiveness with inferiority. They don’t recognise a female as human, they don’t feel any requirement to meet or deal with her needs. SM to these buffoons means “owning” a female who will serve beer to him and his friends and give him a BJ during half time.  Basically he’s an insensitive git and has a problem with the definition of exploitation and SM.

These are only a few but there’s one definite thing that stands out and as I have discovered via the joy of dating on the net. They never treat a submissive with respect, they don’t make friends before attempting to play, and they are not honest. Hence they are alone, chronically horny and troll the net.

Now I am not being one sided here, there are submissives that are just as insane and I notice it’s not something thats talked about that often on a couple sites I read. Why is that?

“The Cinderella”
Her life is a mess. No surprise there because she hasn’t taken any responsibilty for cleaning it up. She is broke because she can’t hold a job long enough to support herself. She doesn’t have or want to gain the skills required to have a job. She uses excuses. Often the excuses pertain back to her childhood or some other more recent experience. She is waiting for prince charming to take control of her life. Many doms who are romantic by nature fall prey to this creature. In reaality she needs a damn good therapist and a kick up the arse lol.

“The True Slave”
She desires to lose herself in this fantasy.  Looking for total control at all times, she exhibits very little personality of her own.  Favourite game : who’s more submissive?

“The Wanna Mate”
This one is certain life begins with marriage. Having failed to snag an appropriate male by other means she trys the scene. She answers ad’s looking for live in slaves, viewing obedience as a decent trade-off for security. She is the female counterpart to the “Macho Man”.

These submissives have this idiot idea in their heads that a dominant is some omnipotent force that will come along and “fix” all their problems, they forget dominants are human beings. These women need damn good counselling and need to get their own lives sorted before embarking down the road of S&M lol.

This is meant as a giggle, but sadly in reality there are alot of these idiots on the net. For some insane reason they think it okay behaviour and they can hide behind a computer screen and everything will be hunky dory. What they don’t see or refuse to see is the damage they leave in their wake.

Me I am sorting a trip up North to finally meet some kink friends and go to my first munch this weekend, I’m excited, I’m a little nervous but I am happy because I am taking the next step in my little journey and beginning to develop some close friendships that I hope will grow. I am “meeting” people, getting out and seeing what this community of kinksters is all about. Life is about being “real”. x