You know what scrap all the shit I just wrote. After discussing my thoughts regarding Dominant behaviours with a trusted and good friend who happens to be a Dominant my flags have gone up.
I wasn’t comfortable with where today has progressed, I have re-iterated this to him and have gone away and thought about the replies he has given to all my questions. And now have spoken to a trusted friend who has known me for the last 15 years, shes aware of my old Master and she said something today which made me wake up. She reminded me the whole time I was seeing my old Master not once was I upset to the degree I was when she found me this afternoon. I was unsettled and very confused until I sat down and discussed things with her. Now shes not kinky at all but she knows enough about how it all works. Especially the safety aspect, she is one of my safe calls.
A mantra with “I am beautiful and worthy” in it … I let it pass, now it just irritates the fuck out of me. Excuse me … worthy !!!! I am not saying anymore on that part. My mouth will run loose.
Expecting me to go on cam on day 2 naked … you could be a fucking axe murderer for all I know. I am already a stupid bitch for sending pictures, and giving you as much info as I have already.
But what really bugs me is having the gaul to assume I have been reading a book because I won’t play on a first meet. I am not saying anymore on that except … 2 days, six months, either way same thing.
I tried being honest about my feelings and it really hasn’t had an effect. He’s leaving it until tomorrow, I said I would do the tasks set but the more I think about it all the more I realise we just are not going to work, he’s not the type of Dom I need. I did ask him today to take this back to a friends level yet he’s pushing to retain the D/s aspect. He needs a slave, I am a submissive, I am not prepared to put myself in a position where I know it is not right for him or I. He’s going to read this in the morning, so be it. I am being honest and I trust my friends and what they see from the outside. x
Fuck this shit lol I am taking a break.
So as far as under consideration consider me not … I’m not worthy lol
max
on Jul 23rd, 2008
@ 03:06:
Intermission? Tsk, tsk….not in your personality I think…
It’s hard to spot the assholes dear. I’ll send you a couple of cans of bullshit repellent (I buy it by the case). Fuck’em.
vixen
on Jul 23rd, 2008
@ 09:03:
Haha shoosh Max, no its not in my nature, I keep bouncing back and carrying on. Yes it is but thank god I can see the difference it might take me a while but I’m getting quicker LOL. Going to concentrate on friends for a while or try.
trinity-pup
on Jul 23rd, 2008
@ 10:01:
oh hun, thats a shame to read but go with your instincts … he sounds very odd to me – playing on the first meet is a definite no-no – i am so glad you are reconsidering.
Hey girl, you are certainly worthy…. don’t ever think that you aren’t
There are plenty of others out there…. take your time and you’ll find him….
t. x
vixen
on Jul 23rd, 2008
@ 10:34:
Odd maybe, old school Old Guard definately … not my cup of tea. Thank you sweet x