It’s funny I got asked a question which I found pretty amusing a while back and my reply to it was equally surprising and unexpected to the Dom I was chatting to. I’m a little jaded by the whole process, but intrigued all the same. All these questions are becoming a long list of game show type dating questions and starting to do my head in. They are all the same a part of the process but I get tired of the cliche questions, there are those you should always gage for good reason but for some reason I found this one silly.

“How do you remind yourself of your submission each day?” was the question posed.

My first reaction that spilled forth into my thoughts was simply “well doh I am single, how the fuck am I suppossed to do that lol”, luckily foot in mouth didn’t escape my fingers.  I pondered for a few more seconds and then replied…

“I am a mother, I give service to one I love daily without a second thought”, by doing so it brings me to a place I only know too well. Making sure he is happy, loved and cared for and a priority in my life. That flows into relationships.

Apparently it got AA+++ marks. But it’s truth.  I’m not out to impress, I say it as it is. I don’t think about “who” I am. Gawd if I start trying to pick myself apart who knows where I’ll end up lol. The things I do are automatic because the “want” to do it is there, it’s in my nature to give.  I don’t give it a label. Oh I have off days, as I am sure we all do.

As soon as you start to pick apart what makes you submissive, how submissive you are, then the questions begin … am I submissive, why am I not more slavelike, why can’t I do this? why can’t I do that? … stop it.

It’s destructive. We all do it, one would be lying if they said they didn’t. It’s part of the process. The striving for the unreachable goal or myth as I call it … perfection. There IS NO ONE WAY. Time and time again it’s repeated, time and time again people try and put BDSM into a box. I could rant on this topic till the cows come home yet still there will always be the person who has to bleat about “how” to do it. And if I see another “thats not very submissive” when requesting some ridiculous suggestion I will kindly shove my finger in their eyeball.

Understanding your own dynamic, or looking at the things you need in order to grow is what you should be focussing on. LOL I sound like some all seeing sage. Bleah. Dominance and submission isn’t forced (get ya mind outta the gutter for a minute …concentrate lol), it should naturally occur, that connection will be there on not just that level but many more and they become more and more obvious as time goes on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s rarely ever plain sailing, hell we wouln’t be human if it was, we make mistakes, we slip on occassion, sometimes you need to pull each other back.

We connect with someone on a level because we have common interests, desire, curiosity, trust and in most instances love.  Every dynamic is different, and they work because there is a common ground of some sort and not one single one is the same. The dynamics grow, they may fizzle out, we move on until we “click” and we find our kink with the right partner and again not one path is the same.

So quit questioning, be yourself, love yourself for who you are, enjoy where you are at, and most importantly never stop growing and who gives a flying toss if “so and so” doesn’t agree with your kink.  Fuck em.

Personally I find individuality a very sexy thing.

Mwah x