Hot and cold sweats, headaches, body aches, nausea, coughing fits … this girl is not well, blog is having a rest for a couple days. x

I feel icky, I have a flu coming on and mummy’s can’t get sick lol so it’s off to the herbalist I go. My head therefore feels like a steamtrain has hit it so as far as creative thoughts, well they have taken a vacation and been replaced with an army of little men playing drums in my head.

A Shibari night is being organised and in a couple weeks time I get to meet some wonderful people I have had the pleasure of chatting to on and off for the past couple months YAY!  Am looking forward to it and a little nervous hehe. I am generally a shy person in social situations until I get to know someone so this is a great step forward in my wee journey and I am happy it’s being organised by people I respect and adore.  Who knows we may well end up with some lovely pics of rope marks Either way shibari fascinates me as an art form and the whole idea of being bound num num. So excited hehe.

Not much to write today, off to drop the rugrat at kindy then home to have a cat nap, a new book arrived today “Screw the Roses…” so looking forward to having a wee poke inside the book.  One can never read enough and finally it’s time to explore this world of mine in a more physical sense. Building a good circle of friends I can talk, explore and develop amazing friendships with. And finally meet woop

The last Dom (the stalker as we have come to so affectionately refer to him as) really insulted me by insinuating “book reading” was nothing useful in my exploration as a submissive … I beg to differ.  If it wasn’t for those books I have read and been reffered to by trusted friends then idiots like him would have done alot more damage.  His problem was he was in a hurry to force submission from me, and a few red flags became apparent hence I stepped away. Aggressive was the term I would use and something I don’t react well to on the best of days. The guy had issues lol. He was a power tripping freak. I don’t need to be changed, brainwashed into a subservient mindless wench thanks. I want a partnership, a connection, someone who wants to explore this whole journey together and I’ll know when its right. Not because some git tells me it is lol.

And excuse me but six long months of a D/s long distance relationship was real enough for me lol. It can work quite well if the time and effort is there which it was and my god did I grow from it, intelligence and creativity can be amazing things when ones mind is ready.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an inquisitive mind and questioning things which is why I read and write. I totally agree that no amount of “book reading” will equate to “realness” but both are a part in my mind. I am taking it slowly, no rushing, exploring. And most importantly … learning. It’s almost become a daily thing for me to pass on a link or suggest a specific book if someone is curious about something.

And the next part of the journey is about to begin, I get to have squishy hugs real time with my online friends woo yay Right off to take cover under a duvet and try get some sleep while my house is peaceful lol.

It’s funny I got asked a question which I found pretty amusing a while back and my reply to it was equally surprising and unexpected to the Dom I was chatting to. I’m a little jaded by the whole process, but intrigued all the same. All these questions are becoming a long list of game show type dating questions and starting to do my head in. They are all the same a part of the process but I get tired of the cliche questions, there are those you should always gage for good reason but for some reason I found this one silly.

“How do you remind yourself of your submission each day?” was the question posed.

My first reaction that spilled forth into my thoughts was simply “well doh I am single, how the fuck am I suppossed to do that lol”, luckily foot in mouth didn’t escape my fingers.  I pondered for a few more seconds and then replied…

“I am a mother, I give service to one I love daily without a second thought”, by doing so it brings me to a place I only know too well. Making sure he is happy, loved and cared for and a priority in my life. That flows into relationships.

Apparently it got AA+++ marks. But it’s truth.  I’m not out to impress, I say it as it is. I don’t think about “who” I am. Gawd if I start trying to pick myself apart who knows where I’ll end up lol. The things I do are automatic because the “want” to do it is there, it’s in my nature to give.  I don’t give it a label. Oh I have off days, as I am sure we all do.

As soon as you start to pick apart what makes you submissive, how submissive you are, then the questions begin … am I submissive, why am I not more slavelike, why can’t I do this? why can’t I do that? … stop it.

It’s destructive. We all do it, one would be lying if they said they didn’t. It’s part of the process. The striving for the unreachable goal or myth as I call it … perfection. There IS NO ONE WAY. Time and time again it’s repeated, time and time again people try and put BDSM into a box. I could rant on this topic till the cows come home yet still there will always be the person who has to bleat about “how” to do it. And if I see another “thats not very submissive” when requesting some ridiculous suggestion I will kindly shove my finger in their eyeball.

Understanding your own dynamic, or looking at the things you need in order to grow is what you should be focussing on. LOL I sound like some all seeing sage. Bleah. Dominance and submission isn’t forced (get ya mind outta the gutter for a minute …concentrate lol), it should naturally occur, that connection will be there on not just that level but many more and they become more and more obvious as time goes on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s rarely ever plain sailing, hell we wouln’t be human if it was, we make mistakes, we slip on occassion, sometimes you need to pull each other back.

We connect with someone on a level because we have common interests, desire, curiosity, trust and in most instances love.  Every dynamic is different, and they work because there is a common ground of some sort and not one single one is the same. The dynamics grow, they may fizzle out, we move on until we “click” and we find our kink with the right partner and again not one path is the same.

So quit questioning, be yourself, love yourself for who you are, enjoy where you are at, and most importantly never stop growing and who gives a flying toss if “so and so” doesn’t agree with your kink.  Fuck em.

Personally I find individuality a very sexy thing.

Mwah x

Yes we have a new look, I had a temporary rather ugly template up until I could find something I liked for the site and well here it is.  Still fiddling about with backend coding for the sidebar and trying to find a few plugins, this one has an aversion to normal widgets being placed on it so I have to code alot of things.  But I have fell in love with it’s feminine simplicity.

The storm passed without too much major damage, few branches and trees lying about and up to 200km winds in some places further up North. Apparently a harder one is going to hit on Wednesday aakk. So yea holed up inside with copious amounts of yummy coffee goodness hehe and maybe a red wine later tonight haha.

The little one has turned into a gaming freak today (the joy of having two computers lol) playing “star wars” as he calls it lol, tis the old style arcade space shooting games and he has his “pate & crackers” beside him.  Yes, I know my son is weird like his mummy hehe, he loves salmon pate on crackers lol.

Hopefully if I get some spare time this week I am going to start concentrating on building a decent custom avatars section on here as well as a few bits and bobs for bloggers, I like making things and it’s fun.  If anyone ever has any ideas for graphics feel free to pop a comment in and I’ll see what I can do. For now I am off to source some bits for avatar making hehe. Mwah x