[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgaCHmxmeUo]

I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It’s been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you
I hold out for one more drink
Before I think
I’m looking too desperately
But so far has not been fun
I should just stay home
If one thing really means one
This club will hopefully
Be closed in three weeks
That would be cool with me
Well I’m still imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place
Well, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you
Well, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you
I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

Some parents were so concerned in the early 18th century they would force their daughters to wear gloves made of a steel-wool-like material (like Brillo pads) at night and to put a powder on their genitals that made them painful to touch. They made their sons wear metal chastity belts at night that made it painful to have an erection. During the 1820s, some parents prevented male masturbation by piecing the foreskin with a wire and soldering the ends together. Boys and girls were discouraged from masturbation by the threat of blindness, madness and illness. Of course, none of these masturbation-induced maladies proved true…. LOL shocking.

Masturbation has so many benefits and I find nothing wrong with pleasuring myself, hell I know what makes me tick so why the hell not. M knew I was greedy with this and used it as a punishment at times… NO playing. I used to get wound up like toy and he knew it. Constant teasing but no playing and when I finally was allowed what a relief! I get shitty, frustrated and pent up if I don’t get a decent orgasm every now and then, actually the more the better, my libido sky rockets when I have constant plays. I also, like most women, get extremely horny around my period and it is great for relieving menstrual cramps. I am also an insomniac and it does help me sleep. Masturbating also is great for your immune system and a mood enhancer, its also a great way of avoiding pregnancy and STD’s lol.

Why do people have such a hard time talking about sex and masturbating? Because society has taught us its a taboo subject. Sadly because of it alot of people don’t enjoy the sex lives they could because of unwarranted embarrassment. The best thing about having kinky friends is alot of those “taboo” subjects are not that at all, we can openly talk about things, even compare notes, suggest new toys, and have a giggle.

My ex was amusing actually, he had this thing when I had my monthly he would literally treat me like a leper, untouchable and it bummed me out, instead of using that time constructively because hell it wasn’t like it was going to go away in a hurry hehe … he wouldn’t even be intimate, it just simply sucked, we tried talking about it and sometimes he would get so damn horny he’d give in hehe *innocent look*. Some do some don’t I spose. For me it gets rid of tummy cramps and backache so I fixed myself lol.

One thing I do think about now because I am single is the next guy … I haven’t used a contraceptive for a number of years because he had a vasectomy after our son was born, my moods and my body are healthier because of it. I don’t want any more children so hopefully someone will come along that *fits* my mindset with that one because I seriously do not want to go through another pregnancy again. Aaaaanyways …

I just played with a new g-spot toy …yum! … and I’m now happy and content num num orgasm hehe. I have to end this post as my “conservative” friend is over for coffee in about two minutes lol, she growls me for talking about kinky stuff it embarrasses her *giggle*

I am sat here as I write this answering messages from three dating sites …. mad I tell you.  A sub wanting a Domme *swears* … getting annoyed with those ones!  Jesus it says I am a sub … maybe if it was bold and in capitals it would have more of an effect, maybe not.  I am getting to the point where I wonder if I would be happier on my own for good.  I can’t take any more heartache its just too damn hard.

And I am starting to realise that there are not what I would call “Natural Dominants” in plentiful supply.  Most want just kinky sex and are abusers, with no understanding of a submissives mind.  One of the sites I use is a vanilla site, one my best friend uses and shes having dates left, right and center, hehe I told her today to bring me one haha.  I think I have some excess energy that needs quelling.  Hehe.

New toys turned up today so now I just have to find the time to play *grin* … and buy batteries lol.   Hehe am using one of them now … a yummy little nipple pump with little rubber rings … perky nipples and a nice tingle of pain.

I had a wee cry last night, just so frustrated with everything that has happened and the reminder of what was lost, it gets really hard talking to M sometimes, but we are both doing this so we can move on and remain friends.  I know he will never walk away and I will always have that close friend in him, but its hard.  Some days I  am doing okay and others I get a little depressed and saddened at how cruel life can be and thats when I tend to disappear and lick my wounds in peace.

Another week and I will have ten days to myself as my son’s Dad is flying over from Australia and spending some quality Dad time with him.  I was going to go out loads and be a single crazy woman but I think I will spend the time doing a few things around the house that need doing and spend some “me” time, I really need it, and something that M mentioned I am never good at … learning to just STOP.  I also thought I might finally start the non-smoking journey again, I’m ready and it will be a perfect time to start as the first week is always hell and bubs won’t be around so better for him that I “detox” while he’s away.  As long as none of any more of my friends decide to commit suicide I’ll be fine, and I’ll stop smoking lol.  I still tell my mate Speedy off in “spirit” for that hehe.

I read an interesting piece on Fetlife about strong women in control and their need for a Dominant, I’ll write more about it later, right now I have a committee meeting to run at the local kindy so that’s my day gone.  So back later x

Rain falls in torents, the light darkened by the black clouds,

Hiding away in a small cottage lives a witch,

The cottage is welcoming, secluded, quiet yet homely,

The fires glow beckons the weary soul,

Warmth impending she settles into a pile of dark colored cushions,

The protective presence of black, and gentle hues of color catch the eye,

Aromas of jasmine waft lazily about in the air,

Soft music playing and the laughter of a child can be heard,

In amongst the plants, dragons, books and papers

She sits, raven hair and cold blue eyes,

immersed in her book, …The Ethical Slut

A coffee in hand and a smirk on her face.

In her den.