Funny, I popped over to one of the blogs I used to read alot and I saw a conversation she had written with her Master. She was describing how it has come to a point where she hasn’t been blogging because her thoughts go through a process and become “Masterisms“.

When you become so in tune with your Master that before you act or do you think of your Master and what He would want…. seem familiar? Something every submissive deals with on a daily basis to the point of it becoming an automated process, you begin to make Masterisms … decisions that are made by you but with your Master’s influence.

Now imagine that you are in this place and suddenly as quick as the flick of finger it’s gone. Never to return. Released. Not because either of you want to but it’s simply as case of having to cease it all.

Well that’s where I have been for the past month. A month is a long time for someone with a brain that never sleeps which is what I possess. A mind that never stops creating, thinking, planning, drinking knowledge. A mind that was finally for once reigned in, settled and quiet because of a balance.

The world of BDSM is looked at on the outside as something immoral, sometimes sick, freaks, etc etc blah blah blah …. basically those words come from a bunch of tunnel visioned, fridgid, boring people. *snigger* (sorry slipped out)

What I found when I began to explore it was simple, I had come HOME. I found the me that has been shut away most of my life. I dabbled and encouraged partners to play previously but there was never that spark, something was missing. Then I met M. He pushed down so many of my walls, He showed me how to look past things, he made me feel like a woman, loved, adored and completely and utterly owned. His most precious possession.

But He also betrayed me by not being honest about things that were extremely important and then my dear friend karma caught up with His arse and now he’s dealing with the repercussions. Nothing by my end, just His own dramas.

So now I am left to wander aimlessly about again to gather my thoughts, work out what I want and to find that connection with someone again. Single but right now emotionally not available. I read an interesting article last night that explained the effects of a relationship in a D/s situation ending and really didn’t understand or believe what it was talking about was real until now. I will write a little more on the topic tomorrow, it may be off interest to some.

vixen.